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BlackRock’s Bitcoin ETF, or as the cool kids call it, IBIT, has skyrocketed faster than a rocket-powered rollercoaster. Not just a small sprinkle on the crypto pie, no — we’re talking about a full-blown invasion of the neophytes. A staggering 75% of buyers, who apparently thought Bitcoin was a new type of cereal, had never even considered BlackRock before. Now they’re auditioning for the role of “most enthusiastic investor” in the Monopoly game of finance. 🎲

It dipped, naturally. For the fifth day running, a descent of 4% bringing it to $166.23, and now teetering where it is. Down 16% from Monday’s momentary ambition of $182. Spooked, they say, by America’s latest economic murmurings. As if the market truly cares for the plight of payrolls.

The UK’s Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) has announced that starting October 8, 2025, brave retail investors can finally peek behind the crypto curtain and buy crypto exchange-traded notes (cETNs). Mind you, only the ones traded on approved UK exchanges, because the FCA loves to keep a close eye on the wild crypto beasts. 🦁

In a speech that could only be described as “inspired by optimism (or perhaps election cycles),” SEC Chair Paul Atkins stood before the America First Policy Institute and declared, “Let us reshore the crypto businesses that fled!” One might imagine him waving an invisible flag while a choir of angels sang in the background. Truly, this is the dawn of a new era—or so they say.

Meanwhile, the big players, those loveable sharks of the crypto sea, are doing their thing—taking profits faster than TikTok trends fade. Their big exit, a cool $335 million in just two minutes, has the market clutching its pearls and whispering, “This is fine.” Some folks think it’s just strategic, like a chess move; others see it as emotional retail traders sobbing into their keyboards because ETH’s mood swings are giving them whiplash. Regardless, it’s a rollercoaster—hold onto your virtual hats.

Meanwhile, HBAR’s price is wiggling around, fueled by volume and demand like a rollercoaster with a caffeine addiction, between $0.258 and $0.288. RSI and stochastic—those fancy charts—are hinting that HBAR might be setting the stage for a rocket, provided support levels don’t spontaneously vanish like last night’s leftovers.

The crypto community, ever prone to melodrama, has erupted in whispers and speculation. Who is this mysterious whale? An early adopter, perhaps, or a soul who misplaced their passkey in a fit of absent-mindedness? Or, more tragically, a forgotten wallet, like a letter never sent, gathering dust in the attic of the blockchain. 📜

At the time of writing, Ethereum trades around $3,629, down from the recent July 29 high of $3,940. The price dipped below key short-term supports, confirming a bearish turn on multiple timeframes. It’s like watching a teeter-totter at the playground—up one minute, down the next! 😂

“XRP, my dear friend,” Schwartz might have whispered into the void of social media, “is not merely a fleeting star in the night sky of digital assets; it is the very heart of our payment system, the bridge that connects continents and currencies in the blink of an eye.” Indeed, in the realm of cross-border transactions, XRP stands tall, a silent sentinel in the ever-changing landscape of global finance.

Just when we thought things were looking up, the sentiment turned bearish. CryptoQuant says futures traders are now more cautious than a cat in a room full of dogs. 😼📉