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Oh, how delightful! You’ve stumbled upon Crypto Long & Short, our weekly ode to digital finance for the “sophisticated” investor. Do join the circus-every Wednesday! 🎩🎪

According to a super serious X post, the Foundation is footing the bill for this little adventure. 💸 Because, you know, what’s a few million in crypto when you’re trying to look cool on the internet? 😎

Investment bank B. Riley upgraded Core Scientific (CORZ) to buy from neutral, and raised its price target on the shares to $30 from $17, citing strong standalone value and renewed momentum in high-performance computing (HPC). Because nothing says “investment” like a Bitcoin miner with a PhD in data centers. 💻

Now, let me tell ya, this partnership ‘twixt Curve and Yieldbasis is strutting out of the gate faster than a cat on a hot tin roof, with mutual incentive pedestrians hand-in-hand under a shared liquidity umbrella, as noted in Curve’s latest analysis; a raucous affair, truly.

HBAR’s 24-hour fall is but a chapter in this tragicomedy, its volatility a $0.0140 range as turbulent as a love triangle. One might say the token’s momentum is as relentless as a gossip mill at a country ball. 🎩

Lo! The majority of XRP’s excitement unfolded in November 2024, a spectacle akin to a debutante’s first dance. Early suitors, no doubt, were purchasing with the hope of ETFs-though since then, XRP hath lingered in the corner, twiddling its thumbs. Further gains, one suspects, depend on whether these ETFs shall prove as popular as a well-stocked punch bowl. Alas, government shutdowns delayed their arrival, but anticipation grows like a well-whipped cream.

Tether(@Tether_to) just minted 1B $USDT again 6 hours ago!#Tether and #Circle have minted $7B in stablecoins after the 1011 market crash.

This move comes amid Bitcoin’s turbulent recovery from its mid-October crash, which continues to test investor resolve. The cryptocurrency is exhibiting flashes of resilience amid persistent volatility. It’s like a toddler trying to walk-unstable, but somehow always getting back up. 🐋📉

The Federal Reserve’s cryptic whisper about payment networks sent Bitcoin soaring, as if it had suddenly remembered it was supposed to care about institutional approval. Analysts, armed with spreadsheets and delusions of grandeur, noted capital fleeing gold like a timid mouse-Bitcoin, now the golden goose of digital assets, trading near $108,000 with the volatility of a cat on a trampoline.