Bitcoin Hits $116K! Stocks Party, Larry Ellison Richer Than Elon? 😱💰

So, here’s the tea: Inflation was a tiny bit spicier than expected (thanks, Bureau of Labor Statistics, for the heart palpitations), but the real drama? Jobless claims surged like a bad Tinder date gone wrong. Economists are now convinced the Fed will cut rates next week, and suddenly, stocks were like, “Let’s break records!” All three major indices closed at all-time highs, and Bitcoin was like, “Hold my crypto,” and joined the rally. 🌟💸

Bitcoin ETF Dreams Shattered: TradFi Ditches Crypto like It’s 2018!

The autumn of 2024, that fateful season when spot Bitcoin ETFs were first introduced, was meant to be a new dawn-a regulated, user-friendly gateway for institutional capital to swagger into crypto like they owned the place. And for a moment, they did. With the SEC giving the green light, Bitcoin’s (BTC) price soared like a hawk on a thermal updraft, touching new heights in late 2024, and again in mid-2025. Yes, that sweet TradFi cash was behind the rocket fuel, lifting everything it touched. 🚀💸

Bitcoin’s Sneaky Climb: Miners Hide Coins, Market Confused!

So what’s going on, you ask? In a plot twist that nobody expected, Bitcoin miners have decided to stop offloading their precious metals… erm, digital coins. Instead of flooding the market with their loot, they’ve decided to sit tight, removing a big chunk of the selling pressure. Looks like they’re betting on something juicy happening soon! 🍿

🚨 XRP, SOL, HBAR ETFs: DTCC Winks, SEC Blinks? 🤑

The Depository Trust and Clearing Corporation (DTCC), that stalwart guardian of financial order, has recently popped a few digital asset ETFs onto its eligibility list. 🧾 Among the lucky chaps are Fidelity’s FSOL, Canary’s XRPC, and Canary’s HBR, tracking the antics of XRP, SOL, and HBAR, respectively. Quite the trio, what?

BTC Soars to $116K – But Is This a Witch’s Broom Handle? 🧙♂️📉

After a valiant but ultimately futile attempt to outwit the PPI and CPI, Bitcoin faced a double whammy: inflation’s sly wink and unemployment claims’ cheerful leap from 235K to 263K. Yet, like a drunkard clinging to a lamppost, the market staggered forward. The S&P 500 and BTC, both grinning like Cheshire cats, ignored the chaos, no doubt plotting their next move while sipping tea with the Federal Reserve’s rate-cut specter. 🍵

Crypto’s Wild Ride: Bulls, Bears, and 🌕 Moonshots!

Behold, Ethereum, the noble steed of the crypto realm, has stirred from its slumber. After a September of consolidation, it now prances with a bullish vigor, its weekly candle a testament to its ambition. Up by 3%, it whispers of higher realms, its gaze fixed on the $4,868 resistance-a mere 6% leap from its current perch at $4,500. Might it breach the $5,000 barrier by month’s end? Ah, the folly of prediction! Yet, one cannot help but dream of new record highs, like a lover’s promise on a moonlit night. 🌕

Why Chipper Cash is the Real MVP of Bitcoin in Africa! 🚀💰

Founded back in 2018 (which feels like eons ago at this point), this pan-African fintech superstar doesn’t just stop at moving money. Oh no! They’re into remittances, cross-border payments, virtual Visa cards, stock investing, and those fancy stablecoin rails that everyone keeps talking about. Thanks to their lightning integration, you can now send cash faster than your ex can ghost you! 💔💸 Say goodbye to those old, grumpy fiat rails that break down more often than my motivation on a Monday morning! 🚧

Is the Fed Cutting Rates or Just Playing Monopoly? 🎲💸

Now, while a more modest 25bps move seems as certain as my morning coffee (which is saying something), there are murmurs of a bigger cut swirling around like an unexpected plot twist in your least favorite rom-com. And what about our beloved crypto market? It’s like asking how a puppy feels about a thunderstorm-uncertain, maybe a little skittish. 🐶🌩️

Crypto’s Latest Darling: Ondo Defies Gravity While RWAs Hit Absurd Heights 🚀

A chart that probably means something to someone.

At the time of this ludicrous chronicle, ONDO perched at $1.09-a modest 8% daily gain, though still languishing 50% below its December 2024 peak of $2.14 (ah, the fickle memory of crypto investors!). Trading volume, that fickle mistress, surged 85.5% to $485.39M, while derivatives traders, those eternal optimists, piled in with a 14% open interest increase. Futures volume? A casual $1.38B-just pocket change, really. 💸