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In a press release that was probably written while sipping overpriced coffee-because that’s how all fintech companies roll-on Sept. 2, they announced that TransAct aims to make distributed ledger technology (that’s DLT for the cool kids) accessible to enterprises and government clients. It’s like bringing a fancy restaurant experience to your boring cafeteria but with a side of automated invoicing in good ol’ US dollars. 💵

Behold, the S&P 500, that stalwart barometer of American financial health, stumbled out of the gates with a 1.48% plunge, landing at 6,364 points. Meanwhile, Bitcoin, ever the maverick, gleefully bounded forward with a 1.58% gain, reaching the lofty heights of $110,987 per coin. Such irony! As the stock market wept, crypto laughed. 😂

Picture this: a hacker, armed not with brute force but with mathematical precision, exploited Bunni’s custom LDF system. This mechanism, designed to shower liquidity providers with returns, was tricked into miscalculating ownership stakes. Victor Tran, co-founder of KyberNetwork, spilled the beans on social media: the attacker executed trades with amounts so specific they could make a mathematician blush. 😳 Repeating this process like a magician pulling endless rabbits from a hat, the hacker siphoned off tokens worth $2.4 million from Ethereum and $6 million from Unichain. And just like that, poof! The funds vanished into Ethereum via the Across Protocol. 🪄💰

Now, they think this pilot phase will somehow balloon to over $200 million. I mean, could they be any more optimistic? It’s like expecting a potted plant to grow into a giant sequoia overnight! 🌳

Yet hark! The oracle Ali Martinez proclaims: *”Break $0.88, and lo! The path to $1.20 shall open like a magician’s trick box!”* 🎩🐇 A bold claim, though one suspects the magician’s assistant might vanish mid-act.

Seyffart’s X post reveals a carnival of crypto chaos: Hashdex, Franklin Templeton, and Bitwise all jostling for space with their baskets of BTC and ETH. Grayscale’s GDLC conversion sits there like a sleeping bear, waiting to stir. It’s a feast for the SEC, who now have more paperwork than a riverboat gambler’s ledger. 📄

Take Ethereum (ETH), for example. The second-largest cryptocurrency on the block-basically the Robin to Bitcoin’s Batman-is currently nursing a modest 0.18% loss over the last 24 hours. A hero’s journey, no doubt, complete with drama: it started strong at $4,417, took a nosedive during the Asian session, then staged a mini comeback to trade at $4,376.25. And let’s not forget its trading volume hitting $37.52 billion while boasting a market cap of $524.85 billion. Honestly, it sounds exhausting just typing that out. 😅

Oh, great. Another blockchain company jumping into the stock market like it’s a Splash Mountain ride. Led by Mike Cagney-ex-SoFi big shot, or should I say, “former”?-who’s probably just in it for the money, right? Because nothing says “trustworthy” like blockchain and a shiny new IPO! $526 million? For what, more digital magic? And a … Read more

Meanwhile, Michael Saylor, that titan of audacity, strode onto the stage to announce yet another multibillion-dollar grand gesture from Strategy Holdings: a purchase of 4,048 BTC for $449 million, each coin dearer than a luxury Russian doll at $110,981 apiece. A bargain! Or so one might dream.

Take the case of our old friend, Whale address 0x4ED0. This aquatic gentleman has been on quite the shopping spree since Aug. 11, snapping up an extra 5,553 ETH (worth a cool $24.44 million) in just the last 40 minutes. And just like that, this one whale has managed to amass a whopping 18,447 ETH ($81.05 million) at an average price of $4,417 and 1,357 WBTC ($160 million) at an average of $117,547. Now, that’s what I call a deep-sea dive! 🐳💰