Here’s the genius part: Profusa will sell shares at roughly 97% of the lowest five-day average price—because nobody likes to buy at the peak. All proceeds from these shindigs will go straight to buying more Bitcoin, unless they dip below a modest $5 million cash buffer, in which case they’ll just… yeah, buy more Bitcoin anyway. Because of course they will.
On the twenty-second of July, the American exchange, with the solemnity of a tsar issuing a decree, added BankrCoin (BNKR), Jito Staked SOL (JITOSOL), and Metaplex (MPLX) to its sacred “roadmap.” These tokens now tremble on the threshold of glory—or obscurity—awaiting the exchange’s final nod.
Ether, that fickle darling of the crypto world, appears to be overbought, but the bulls, ever the languid aristocrats, are not hastening to their exits. 🎯
The cause of this exuberance? None other than the proclamation of President Donald Trump, whose announcement of a trade accord with Japan sent ripples of delight through the halls of Wall Street. Investors, ever the romantics in matters of profit, embraced the news with open arms and purses. 💼
From the long-view lens, Ethereum’s like that one friend who always says “I’m in a long-term relationship with the bull market”—rallying from about $2,112 to a peak of $3,862. But cats always land on their feet, and recent candle action looks a tad bearish, with volume dwindling faster than my motivation on a Monday. Support is forming around $3,600—think of it as Ethereum’s safety net—while resistance is stubbornly hanging in the $3,800 to $3,860 zone like a grumpy cat refusing to move. 🐱
The mystical realm of on-chain data unveils an ongoing treasure hunt, as addresses tied to WLFI scavenged up a magnificent 1,740 ETH (or a mere $6.5 million—what’s a little pocket change?) recently. These splendid purchases occurred amid a veritable bonanza, where wallets connected with this enigmatic venture snatched up 10,013 ETH—an awe-inspiring haul valued at approximately $30 million. Are they shopping for a yacht or just being naughty? Who knows! 🤷♂️
Here’s the juicy part. Bitcoin’s daily chart is a rollercoaster, but don’t hold on too tightly. Since it hit rock bottom around $98,240, it’s been steadily climbing, topping out at $123,236 before settling into what can only be described as a cozy little consolidation range between $117,000 and $121,000. Seems like Bitcoin is catching its breath, maybe sipping a virtual coffee, preparing for the next big move. A big surge of bullish volume was spotted right before it peaked, but is it exhausted? 😴
In a move that screams “We’re making history here,” BNY Mellon, the largest custodian bank on Earth (or so they say), will soon allow clients to invest in money market funds where ownership is securely recorded on Goldman Sachs’ private blockchain. Yes, you heard it—private blockchain, not the one your aunt uses to buy cat memes. A press release, which may or may not have been delivered with a flair of dramatic punctuation, spilled the beans on this groundbreaking news.
According to an announcement—likely drafted in a boardroom while someone sipped espresso—CoinShares Asset Management has been granted the Markets in Crypto-Assets (MiCA) blessing. This means they can now, with full regulatory pomp, manage crypto portfolios and dispense advice across the European Union. Because nothing says “trust me” like a government stamp. 🏛️
Back in 2024, DonAlt scribbled a “prediction” so bold it made astrology charts blush: XRP hitting $6.90. At the time, the coin was playing dead below $1, stuck in a legal purgatory. But hey, why not throw spaghetti at the wall and call it a “macro setup”? 🕶️
