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Enter Alex Spiro, a sleek, silver-tongued fox, whose legal acumen is as sharp as the Dogecoin community’s resolve. 🐾 Yet, the question lingers: is this a leap of faith or a leap into the abyss? 🌀

USDT didn’t even break a sweat reclaiming its spot. With a market cap ballooning to $167,613,338 (seriously, who’s even counting anymore?), it left XRP choking on its dust. Meanwhile, XRP is out here acting like it forgot how to hold onto support levels. Remember when it hit that all-time high of $3.65 in July? Yeah, neither does XRP. It’s been downhill ever since-dropping below the magical $3 line more times than I’ve rewatched *Curb Your Enthusiasm*. 😩

Long goodbye to the $110,000 cushion, Bitcoin. You’ve been flirting with the $108,700-$119,500 zone for months or so, and look where you are now-at $107,900, which sounds suspiciously like a clearance sale. Investors are biting their nails so hard, they’re practically reenacting the movie “Jaws” on their keyboards. Oof.

So, Congressman French Hill (a name that sounds suspiciously like a Victorian villain) and Rep. Vicente Gonzalez (who, bless him, seems genuinely confused by the whole thing) took a little trip to Italy, Switzerland, and Germany between August 20th and 28th, 2025. The point, according to Hill, was to “strengthen U.S.-European ties.” One assumes the ties were getting a bit…frayed? Maybe they were just untidy.

And now these “analysts” are looking at… “on-chain data.” What *is* on-chain data? Is it like, a digital paper trail? Sounds messy. Anyway, this CryptoOnchain guy – great name, by the way, very trustworthy – is saying something about MVRV Price Bands. It’s a “metric.” Of course it is. Everything’s a metric these days. 🙄

The Treasury, ever the meticulous chronicler, issued both an Advisory and a Financial Trend Analysis, as if drawing a map through the dense fog of financial deceit, guiding banks to the treacherous waters where trouble lurks. 🧭📉

So David Schwartz, Ripple’s CTO, finally decided to put an end to the endless chatter about forking XRP. You know, like when your friend says they’re “thinking about starting a podcast,” but then they never actually do it? Same energy here.

So, guess what? Chainlink [LINK] and the U.S Department of Commerce (DOC) have decided to team up. Yes, you heard that right. On 28 August, they announced plans to bring macroeconomic data onto the blockchain. Six data points – including Real GDP Level, PCE Price Index, and all the things you probably didn’t ask for – will be available. It’s going to be updated monthly or quarterly, depending on how the government feels about it.

Unlike most blockchain networks that demand arcane coding languages, GCUL runs on Python-because nothing says “trust us” like a language used by quants and cat video creators alike. 🐱

New York, the city that never sleeps, will host the grand gathering from November 4 to 5. The lineup is a veritable feast for the soul, featuring Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse, Co-founder Chris Larsen, President Monica Long, Nasdaq’s Chair Adena Friedman, and the culinary magician, José Andrés. But wait, there’s more! Executives from BlackRock, Fidelity, Bitwise, Citi, CME Group, and Franklin Templeton are also joining the party. It’s like a who’s who of the financial world, all gathered under one roof. 🏃‍♂️💨