Despite these so-called “advancements,” PI has flatlined like an overworked office printer. It’s been trading sideways with all the enthusiasm of someone stuck in a queue at the DMV. No fireworks, no confetti, no parades. Just… silence. 🎇❌
Sur le fil de la toile – que dis-je, la toile de Santiment – il est révélé, avec une douceur de serpent, que ces géants de la finance numérique ont vu leur nombre s’accroître depuis août. Plus de 13 nouveaux titulaires de baleines Bitcoin, et 48 gros toutous Ethereum, ont rejoint le bal, comme si la fête n’était pas encore assez folle. 🐳🐳🐳
Arthur Hayes, the BitMEX co-founder known for stirring the crypto pot, has published a blog post on August 27, where he floats a bold prediction: Ether.fi (ETHFI) could surge 34-fold, and Ethena (ENA) could skyrocket 51-fold. Why? Because stablecoins, the financial world’s shiny new toys, are poised to take over.
According to the wise sages at crypto.news, Zora (ZORA) took a 14% tumble to an intraday low of $0.083 on the morning of August 28, as the sun rose over Asia. At this price, it remains a staggering 33% below its weekly high, which was fueled by none other than Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong’s purchase of BALAJIS, a creator coin in the Zora ecosystem. Talk about a rollercoaster ride!
Now, this isn’t just any “Hey, let’s add a token to a market” kind of launch. Oh no. This is the real deal. A properly regulated, super convenient way to access Pi through the magical world of traditional brokerage channels. Yes, that’s right. Europe’s *mainstream* and *institutional* investors-those dashing, blazer-wearing folks who never have time for lunch-can now dip their toes into the crypto pool via the Pi ETP. The catch? A 1.9% management fee. It’s almost like saying, “I’ll hold onto your money for a small fee, don’t worry about it.” And let’s not forget, it’s all priced in Swedish kronor. Because, why not add a sprinkle of Nordic flair to the crypto chaos?
Since August 21, the swelling tide of cash into Ether ETFs has reached a staggering $1.83 billion, whereas Bitcoin funds-those elder statesmen of crypto flair-lassoed only $171 million, according to the ever-reliable CoinGlass (which, let’s face it, sounds like a spy agency disguised as a finance site). On that last thrilling Wednesday, nine Ether (ETH) funds raked in $310.3 million, while 11 Bitcoin (BTC) funds-tortoises in a hare race-raised just $81.1 million. Classic.
The heart of this financial fairy tale lies in the formation of Trump Media Group CRO Strategy, Inc., a treasury vehicle tasked with managing billions of CRO tokens. Backed by a staggering $6.4 billion funding package, this deal includes over $1 billion in CRO tokens, a hefty cash reserve, warrants, and an equity line of credit. To sweeten the pot, Trump Media has pledged to buy $105 million worth of CRO, while Crypto.com will contribute $50 million to TMTG. 🤑
The so-called ‘analysts’ – those oracles of the obvious – suggest this is merely ‘short-term selling pressure’. As if market fluctuations weren’t invariably ‘short-term’ until they weren’t. Rest assured, the ‘long-term trajectory’ remains ‘intact’, despite everything. One assumes, naturally, that this trajectory leads directly to financial ruin. 😇
As one might expect, these rumors have ignited a veritable tempest of panic among the holders of Pi, many of whom are already in a state of exasperation due to the incessant delays in the mainnet launch and the growing specter of doubt regarding the project’s long-term aspirations. For some, the once bright “Pioneer” dream of establishing a community-driven digital currency appears to be dimming, much like the last flicker of a candle in a draughty room. 🕯️
Paradoxically, Pi Coin is hovering just a smidge above its all-time low. Investors are left oscillating between existential dread and the faint hope of a Martian stock market boom. 🌕
