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Tempo’s investor roll-call reads like a fever dream at Davos: Anthropic (robots!), Coupang (Korean Amazon!), Deutsche Bank (yes, still here), DoorDash (your pizza and your tokens arriving together?), Lead Bank, Mercury, Nubank, OpenAI (AI-generated money, why not!), Revolut, Shopify, Standard Chartered, and Visa (who have a monopoly on tiny plastic cards). With all those bigshots on board, this chain should grow faster than Matt’s hair in winter. Or maybe get bought out by Amazon. 🤷‍♂️

XRP influencer Xaif Crypto (yes, that’s a real name) was the first to sound the alarm on this “massive” transfer. Their hot take? “Is it a whale’s game or institutional play?” Spoiler alert: it’s Kraken, because of course it is. 🦑 Turns out, they tried to send the same amount earlier but failed-probably because they were like, “Oops, we don’t actually have that much.” Classic Kraken move. 🤦‍♀️

According to the team’s latest X post, the Reserve now boasts 237,014.07 LINK, with 43,937.57 LINK added like a well-timed punchline. The dashboard, a masterpiece of transparency, reveals this grand accumulation. 🤡 The Reserve, established earlier this year, is a “repository” for growth-though one might question if it’s more of a “savings account” for the future. 🧠

Bitcoin, that fickle beast, turned its back on the US jobs report, tumbling over 2% as if spooked by a phantom of economic uncertainty. 🐎

Price is curiously balancing above the $2.74 support zone, which has functioned recently as the crypto market’s version of a sturdy IKEA shelf – reliable, but liable to spontaneous self-destruction. Buyers have bravely defended this zone, presumably using inspirational quotes and herbal tea. Momentum, however, seems to be on a coffee break. XRP charts are littered with lower highs and lower lows, the market’s way of reminding you that “caution” is the new black.

the 10-year U.S. Treasury yield was sittin’ at 4.19% and the 30-year yield at 4.78%, like they were too weary to climb any higher.

Behold, the SHIB-linked account hath unveiled its sacred scroll-a list so holy it rivals Nabokov’s own musings on butterflies. There are eight functions, each more tantalizing than the last. Allow me to summarize with the flair of a novelist:

On a Wednesday as ordinary as a Moscow tram, the CFTC’s Division of Market Oversight and its cousin, the Division of Clearing and Risk, deigned to grant Polymarket a reprieve. No more shall QCX LLC or QC Clearing LLC tremble under the shadow of enforcement! 🦸‍♂️ The regulator, in a rare moment of levity, has allowed our hero to resume its American odyssey, event contracts in tow. A triumph, you say? Perhaps. But remember, in the land of compliance, every victory is a temporary armistice. 🕊️

In an attempt to establish its reign over the crypto dominion, Gemini has unleashed its newest XRP card, causing a fleeting moment of triumph as it eclipsed its biggest rival, Coinbase-at least on the hallowed grounds of Apple’s App Store.

The news burst like thunder-Hoskinson, with a tone that dared to say, “Told ya so!” announced the release of the transparency report, crafted by accounting wizards BDO and law knights McDermott Will & Emery, on September 3. The community, perhaps rubbing their eyes in disbelief, learned that 99.2% of ADA vouchers were redeemed-over 14,282 vouchers, amounting to a staggering 25.85 billion ADA coins. Yes, folks, billions! Enough to make a banker cry and a conspiracy theorist choke on his tissue.