As the world collectively fainted upon Bitcoin’s new all-time high (smelling salts not included), ETH watched nearby, politely applauding from a distance, growing nicely yet refusing to publicly shout, “Bravo!”
The grey old abbey otherwise known as “The Bank” has rediscovered that distant cousins of crooks and visionaries-these crypto-sprats-are now considered quite marriageable material. Why, a new decree from the American legislatures suddenly insists the little sprites must sleep on mattresses stuffed with Treasury bills. Naturally, a gentleman always profits from minding the mattresses. 😏
Despite LINK’s tepid performance, the grandees of the crypto world remain unperturbed. They perceive this minor setback as a golden opportunity to stockpile, much like squirrels hoarding acorns before winter. What does this portend for our beloved altcoin? Only time, and perhaps a crystal ball, will tell. 🔮
A staggering $3.8 billion in Ether is queued for unstaking, with Lido, EthFi, and Coinbase leading the charge like a trio of financial harlequins. 🎭
According to the Fed’s announcement, they’ve “strengthened their understanding” of crypto risks. Translation: They’ve watched enough *Planet Earth* to know not to pet the wild blockchain. 🦁 “We’ve seen the risks, we’ve seen the memes, and we’re good,” they basically said.
And it doesn’t stop there. Oh no, they didn’t just stop at BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust ETF. They also decided to throw in some money into Invesco’s Galaxy Bitcoin ETF (BTCO), taking that from a humble $3 million to $26 million. Oh, and they tossed a couple of crumbs into Grayscale’s Mini Trust and Bitcoin Trust too. Just a few extra pennies for the cryptocurrency buffet.
In their Friday press release, they couldn’t wait to tell the world that they’ve got around 1,420,173 SOL and its fancy-equivalent assets stashed away, which includes staking rewards and all those juicy on-chain yields. But wait, even after a slight slip – a 4% dip to $184 for Solana as of midday Friday – the value of their treasure chest still looks like a mighty mountain. 💸
Behold, Hyperliquid hath reached not one, not two, but THREE all-time highs! The price flirted with $50, daily perpetual volume surpassed $29 billion (yes, billion!), and buybacks soared past $8.3 million. Truly, this is a spectacle worthy of applause-or perhaps laughter, for who can trust such numbers without questioning their sanity? Yet, these metrics whisper sweet nothings of market demand and protocol prowess, as if Cupid himself were firing arrows into traders’ hearts. ❤️🎯
Enter the villain of our tale: Ianis Aleksandrovich Antropenko, a Russian national with a flair for cybercrime. His weapon of choice? The infamous Zeppelin ransomware. With this diabolical tool, he wreaked havoc on businesses, big and small, across the globe – and even in the land of the free. His method was classic villainous behavior: encrypt and steal data, then demand ransom to return it. A true master of blackmail. 👿
Oh, majestic Bitcoin, ruler of all things blockchain! Alas, even kings must kneel at times. Our beloved king is down by a modest 1%, tumbling below $117k after clinging desperately to $118k for days on end. Trading activity? Down 28%. Volume? A mere $75.79 billion. Yet fear not-it still clutches onto a throne worth $2.34 trillion. Truly, this is high drama fit for Shakespeare himself!
