Apparently, privacy coins are more elusive than a white whale, sporting features designed to vanish, hide and do the hokey pokey-transactions here, transactions there. Elizabeth Wallace, the ever-legal oracle of the DFSA, claims these coins are “nearly impossible” to track, as if they were Houdini’s latest act, slipping through regulatory nets with a wink and a whisper. Houdini might have been proud.
The IP volume swelled by 789%, a number so absurd it makes a billionaire’s coffee order look modest. Daily trading hit $157 million, a sum that would make a goldfish weep. And who, you ask, orchestrated this frenzy? The elusive Asian investors, of course! South Korea’s Upbit, with 45% of the volume ($70.8 million), played the lead role, while Coinbase’s paltry 2.82% might as well have been a cameo by a forgotten actor.
To provide a curious contrast, let us glance at the spot ETH ETFs-those behemoths, though they tower in absolute value, have been rather unceremoniously leaking assets since October of the year gone by. One must wonder, in this turbulent sea of cryptocurrency, will BlackRock, with its proverbial nose for profit, take the plunge into the waters of a spot XRP ETF?
Buterin, our intrepid choreographer, declares that Ethereum’s dance is not about fleeting trends but about power-who holds it, and who loses it. He sees today’s crypto darlings as mere puppets in a centralized play, their blockchain façades as thin as a courtier’s wit. Custodial finance apps? Profit-maximized platforms? Bah! They are but banks in sheep’s clothing. 🏦🐑
Amidst a market otherwise lazier than a nobleman after lunch, our beloved privacy coin dared to rise-nay, rocket-to a giddy new all-time high! Forsooth, while others snoozed, Monero thrust forth like a knight in chainmail at a masquerade! 🔥 And why? Because surveillance is so last season, my dear regulators! 👀🚫
The spectacle commenced on the fourth of January, in the year of our Lord 2026 (or thereabouts, for who keeps time in this circus?), and shall persist until the month’s end. A curious condition, this-only the virginal depositors, those who have never before crossed MEXC’s threshold with coin in hand, may partake. And lo! The deposit must be made through their P2P channel, lest the ordinary methods sully the purity of the transaction.
Gone are the days of simply signing up with a whimsical username and a vague promise to be nice. No, no! The new onboarding requirements are as intense as they are absurd. First up, you’ll need to take a live selfie – yes, that’s right, a selfie that proves you are, in fact, a living human being and not a particularly savvy catfish attempting to swim through the digital waters of crypto. 🐟📸
But, of course, with great power comes great responsibility, or so they say 🙄. Exchanges must now apply staggered trades and size limits to reduce volatility, because, you know, the crypto market is as stable as a house of cards 🃏. And, as for stablecoins like USDT, well, they’re still under review 🤔. One can only imagine the excitement of waiting for a thumbs up or down on a stablecoin 🤩.
ETH has inexplicably punctured its descent through a parallel cosmic corridor (a mathematical construct so messy it probably has its own Wikipedia page) and declared the $3K zone an impenetrable fortress. It’s like Rome burning, but with more graphs. The price recently brushed against the $3.3K-$3.7K wall of despair (supported by 117% of moving averages who were universally pessimistic) and produced a candlestick waterfall that would make Icarus proud. Bullish continuation now depends on whales convincing their existential crises to take a break for five minutes.
On this fine day, akin to the mood in a provincial Russian town, Monero is rising-though not without suspicion and intrigue, particularly as anonymity in currency becomes the darling of fortune hunters. The price meanders towards a significant milestone, the $600 mark, luring in momentum traders like butterflies to a flame. Amid the whispers and skeptical gazes at rival privacy projects such as Zcash, demand for Monero swells. The technical structure appears sunny, and the capital flows in like unwavering sunshine after a dreary day. Indeed, the rally seems destined for ascendancy.