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Their “System Update” arrives as Coinbase tiptoes deeper into the labyrinth of tokenization, a realm where real-world assets are sliced, diced, and served as digital confetti. With a new token-sale platform, they’ve resurrected the age-old dream of democratizing finance-assuming “democratizing” means letting retail investors bid on pre-listing tokens while whales sip champagne and laugh. The first sale, for Monad (MON), began on November 17, a date that will either be remembered as the dawn of a new epoch or the day someone forgot to back up their wallet.

On Monday, Mt. Gox-the Tokyo-based exchange that’s more famous for its vanishing act than its trading skills-woke up from its eight-month slumber to move a cool $936 million in Bitcoin. 🕺 The crypto world, always ready for a good drama, sat up and took notice faster than a witch spotting a shiny new broomstick. This is the first time since March that the exchange’s wallets have shown any life, and naturally, everyone’s wondering if this is the prelude to a creditor payout or just another chapter in the never-ending saga of “What Fresh Hell Is This?”

Ether’s 20% monthly nosedive has it doing the limbo at $3,000-last seen when TikTok dances were still somewhat original. 💃📉

Schiff’s latest salvo? A deep dive into MicroStrategy’s preferred shares strategy, which he insists is a house of cards built on “high-yield fantasy” 🎩✨. His argument: If income-hungry funds don’t bite on these shares, MicroStrategy’s Bitcoin hoarding game is over. Cue the ominous music. But let’s not forget, this is the same guy who probably thinks gold is the only real money – cue eye-rolls from every crypto bro since 2017. 💎

In a move that’s about as cryptic as a Douglas Adams footnote, Hoskinson tweeted:

Running Midnight

– Charles Hoskinson (@IOHK_Charles) November 18, 2025

Because nothing says “I’m serious about privacy” like a tweet that leaves everyone scratching their heads. 🧐

Ah, Brazil, the land of samba and burgeoning crypto markets, finds itself at a crossroads. Shall we tax the digital phantoms or let them dance freely across borders? 🎭

In a Tuesday update that could only be described as “we’re sorry, but also, oops?” Cloudflare admitted to an “internal service degradation” at 11:48 am UTC. Because, of course, it’s always an “internal” issue when the entire internet goes haywire. They claimed to have fixed it, but let’s be honest, we’ve all heard that one before. 🤷‍♂️

FUNToken’s evolution? A Shakespearean drama, darling! 🎭 Once a humble jester in the Web3 gaming court, it now waltzes with deflationary mechanics. The $5M Giveaway-ah, that carnival of clowns!-locks 8.7 million tokens in staking contracts, transforming restless gamblers into patient monks. How quaintly medieval! 🏰

According to a Tuesday report from Reuters, citing “officials with direct knowledge of the discussions” (read: someone whispered in the hallways), the government dreams of taxing these elusive digital sprites when they wander internationally.

AMINA (Hong Kong), a subsidiary of the gloriously Swiss-regulated AMINA Bank, is officially the first international bank in Hong Kong to offer crypto trading and custody services for those “professional investors” who like their assets digital and regulated.