📉 BTC Implodes Below $90K: Crypto’s Titanic Sinks Again! 🚨

Bitcoin (BTC), that elusive chimera of modern finance, sank below $90,000 in Asia’s predawn gloom, a six-month nadir that would’ve made Marx himself smirk at capitalism’s circular tragedies. Ethereum (ETH), ever the eager understudy, tumbled under $3,000 as traders whispered of “network effects” that now resemble ghost towns. 🕯️

Cboe’s 10-Year Crypto Futures: A Revolutionary Gamble or Just Another Chain Gang? 🚀💰

The Cboe Futures Exchange (CFE), in its unending quest to tame the untamable, shall unleash “Continuous Futures” for Bitcoin (PBT) and Ethereum (PET) on December 15, 2025. These 10-year contracts, with their daily cash adjustments, promise to offer institutional investors a perpetual-style exposure. A grand scheme, indeed, but one must wonder: who shall bear the weight of such a gamble? 🧐

🚀 Ethereum’s Epic Dip: Will Crypto Whales Go Bankrupt or Buy the Dip? 😱

Ah, yes-the “Realized Price.” A number so profound, it might as well be etched in stone tablets by crypto prophets. This is where the patient, the stubborn, the true believers stack their ETH like firewood before winter. History giggles in the margins: every time Ethereum nears this hallowed ground, it bounces back like a cat with nine lives-or at least, that’s what the charts claim.

🚨$133M in Crypto?! You Won’t Believe It!🚨

And the whole thing was announced with a press release! A press release! As if the world was just waiting with bated breath! They did have a little fundraiser beforehand, snagging cash from all sorts of crypto-types – Kraken, Fabric Ventures, the G20 Group! The G20! What are they doing with crypto?! It’s a whole mishigas!