In a move bolder than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, PayPal has rolled out this sprightly feature called “Pay with Crypto.” It’s like giving a raccoon a bag of marshmallows—he can’t help but dig right in! This little treasure would let merchants from Timbuktu to Kalamazoo accept digital payments without the fuss of counting pennies.
On July 25, they sent a letter, brimming with concern like an overripe fruit, cautioning that this daring move could unleash a wave of instability across both the housing and financial realms. Imagine the chaos—a world where crypto is king and traditional assets bow in subservience! 🎩
Blockchain detectives (yes, they exist) believe Satoshi’s stash consists of roughly 1.1 million BTC—all untouched since Bitcoin’s infancy. Imagine owning something worth more than several small countries combined and never once checking your balance. It’s almost poetic—or perhaps just maddeningly frustrating for those who dropped their life savings into meme coins last year. 😅
On July 29, the SEC waved its magic wand, declaring, “Let Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs mingle with stock markets!” And lo, the crypto realm shall now seamlessly merge with the stock market—a union as natural as oil and water, but with more paperwork. 📜
With gleaming eyes and pockets deep as old Mother Volga, Strategy ostentatiously announced that these shiny coins—the result of their audacious endeavors—were to be poured into the acquisition of a mere 21,021 Bitcoins. Who among us has an army of Bitcoins to play with in such reckless abandon? Surely the spirit of Gogol would be tickled! 😂
Seems inflation still has its sticky fingers in things, and folks with jobs are holdin’ strong, so our monetary wizards are fixin’ to keep their magic wand steady for just a spell. But oh, come September? That might just be a whole different kettle of fish! 🐟
In its audacious proclamation, Redstone proclaims that traditional “push” oracles—those painfully lethargic beasts that update prices at fixed intervals or after throwing a tantrum over predefined deviations—are now relics of a bygone era. During moments of plummeting market volatility, these sluggish updates wreak havoc, resulting in missed liquidations and revenue losses. Alas! They force our dear protocols into a swirl of inefficient risk maneuvers, like timid mice clutching low loan-to-value ratios. But fear not! Atom comes to the rescue, enabling liquidators to snap their fingers and trigger instant onchain price updates at the mere sight of opportunities, like wizards conjuring spells! 🔥
But wait! A mysterious signal has reemerged on the monthly chart—could this be a sign, or just the universe’s way of teasing us? Some whisper it’s the calm before the financial storm named Litecoin, and they might just be onto something!
As of July 29, Ethereum accounted for nearly 40% of the total open interest in the perpetual futures market, its highest share since April 2023. One might say this is a triumph of logic over the chaotic whims of the masses. Or perhaps it’s just the market’s way of playing dress-up in a glittering costume. 🧙♂️✨
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and the video showing Storm, clad in what might be mistaken for a laundry commercial gone rogue, stirred the pot—washing “dirty” money with a smile. The prosecutors, with smiles tight as drumskins, proclaimed Storm a profiteer of a giant washing machine for illicit cash. Imagine, a man wearing a shirt and making a political statement—yet somehow, that shirt became the emblem of treachery in their eyes. Talk about fashion with a purpose, or lack thereof! 🧼💸
