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Accused of orchestrating a crypto heist, Banks slunk away, his denials ringing hollow in the echo chamber of social media. On platform X, he spat out his innocence: “I’ve never scammed anyone a day in my fucking life. The entire narrative is unfair and part of the reason it exists is cause my ‘FaZe’ name is so easily farmed and manipulated. The fact this is affecting the guys at all, is whack. So for the time being I’m gunna be stepping away…” – a dramatic exit fit for a tragic hero, or just a guy dodging the fallout. 😏

According to a press release that landed in our inbox on July 29 (probably via Improbability Drive), RedStone, the blockchain oracle for emerging DeFi assets, has unleashed RedStone Atom. This isn’t your grandma’s oracle—it’s designed to eliminate liquidation delays by allowing instant on-chain price updates. 🕊️

In a recent post on X, the crypto trader MoonKing highlighted a significant trend in the financial landscape, noting that Ethereum is becoming the settlement layer for traditional finance (TradFi). Since January, real-world assets (RWAs) tokenized on Ethereum have surged by 20 times, and there are no signs of this momentum slowing down. 🚀

On the enchanting eve of July 29, Samsung and Coinbase, those tireless champions of the digital realm, unveiled a most delightful partnership. Samsung Wallet users can now grace themselves with access to Coinbase’s whimsical cryptocurrency services by wielding the mighty Samsung Pay. Yes, indeed! No more mundane task of switching between applications like a mindless puppet; here, you may purchase digital treasures with a mere flick of your fingers. Samsung exuberantly declared:

Behold, Bitcoin’s 1-month puts swagger with a +4.6% premium, while the 1-week skew lounges in apathy, painting a portrait of traders split like a farce—eager for instant glory with 1W calls, yet clutching pearls over monthly mishaps. 😂

As whispered by the ink-stained scribes of Ming Pao, JD CoinChain—the company’s blockchain “innovation lab” (read: where they scribble buzzwords on napkins)—has trademarked “JCOIN” and “JOYCOIN.” Because nothing says *serious financial instrument* like a name that rhymes with “ZombieCoin.” 💀

Ethereum (ETH) fared far worse, enduring a tumultuous emotional spiral, having danced merrily above $3,900 just the day before, only to be swept off its feet and land at around $3,816. Ripple (XRP) took a nearly 5% nosedive, while Solana (SOL) flailed about, sinking over 4% to hover around $185. And let’s not even get started on Dogecoin (DOGE), which seems to have taken a vacation, dropping almost 7%. Meanwhile, other contenders like Cardano (ADA) and Stellar (XLM) join the ranks of disheartened tidings, making one ponder if the crypto universe has collectively hit a rough patch.

Fear not, brave investors! This is not merely a token on a fleeting amusement ride; rather, it coils itself into the very fabric of utility, ever playfully winking at the memes you cherish. In the realm where mania meets practicality, Snaky Way attracts both the die-hard degenerate and the studious seeker of crypto gold.

What is this “Doma Protocol,” you ask? Oh, it’s nothing less than a DNS-compliant blockchain platform—a phrase so technical it might make your head spin faster than a roulette wheel. Through this partnership, InternetX promises to allow its customers to transform their boring old domains into shiny, blockchain-based tokens. And why stop there? These tokens could unlock such thrilling possibilities as crypto trading, fractional ownership, and other Web3 marvels that even we mortals struggle to comprehend. 😅

Verily, Kwok’s vision stretches five years into the abyss—a timespan so vast it mocks the mortal concerns of weeks or months. Yet what are $5 or $20 to the soul that craves a thousand? A pittance, a mere appetizer before the main course of financial delirium. 🍽️