Global crypto exchange-traded gewgaws raked in a staggering $1.9 billion in inflows over the week ending that fateful Friday, July 25, as per the sage scribes at European crypto overlord CoinShares. And this amidst a storm of market tempests, where Bitcoin plummeted to pitiful depths of $115,000, and Ether toyed with the abyss below $3,600 on a whim, according to the ever-vigilant CoinGecko. 😱
Analysts are growing increasingly optimistic that the altcoin could see further gains, driven by BNB’s (BNB) latest uptrend, which propelled it to a new peak just hours ago. 🧠
Ah, the official missive to the Maine Attorney General reveals all: Velocity Risk Underwriters, in a moment of dramatic revelation, confesses to a cybersecurity debacle. Picture it—hackers breaching the gates of a third-party vendor’s database, like thieves in the night, and making off with treasures of personal data. Names, Social Security numbers, account records, tax IDs—all laid bare. How delightfully predictable in this era of brittle defenses. 😂
they’re not giving out gold stars for participation! 🌟
The xAI chatbot, which probably eats cookies for breakfast, pegs the probability at 60–70%, citing strong technicals, ETF momentum, and a red-hot DeFi revival that’s seen TVL climb past $10.3B. 🧠💥
Per crypto.news, BONK hit $0.000034 last Monday (Asian time—because who cares about time zones?), up 200% from last month and 266% from its all-time low. And yes, it’s still 40% shy of its 2024 peak. Classic. 🙄
Yakovenko, never one to mince words, bellowed: “I’ve said this for years. Memecoins and NFTs are digital slop,” drawing a hilariously apt comparison to those shady loot boxes in mobile games that hook you faster than a bad habit. “People are throwing away $150 billion a year on this nonsense!” he cried. 😏
Per Forbes’ June 2024 ledger, CZ clutches 64% of BNB’s supply—89.1 million tokens, to be precise—while Binance itself hoards a polite 7%. This alchemy has vaulted him to 23rd on the global rich list, a feat achieved by marrying his 90% stake in Binance to his BNB hoard. One wonders if he’s planning to replace his yacht with a moonbase or simply host a lavish tea party for whales.
SUI’s been on a tear lately, busting through resistance like it was a piñata at a kid’s birthday party. Analysts are all abuzz, saying this could be the start of something big, with prices eyeing $8 as if it’s the finish line of a marathon I never signed up for. Ali Martinez pointed out that SUI escaped a symmetrical triangle that’s been lurking since early 2024—imagine that, a pattern where highs and lows get cozier until boom, breakout. It happened around $4.30, conveniently near some Fibonacci level that makes me feel dumber every time I hear about it. Now we’re talking targets like $5.29, $6.96, and $8.05—because why not throw in a few more numbers to confuse us all? 😏📊
Whale 0xF436 (likely related to DeFiance Capital) bought 30,366 $ETH($114M) in the past 28 hours.
