JPYKRW

In a recent missive on X, Sentora (formerly IntoTheBlock) has graced us with a chart that divides Bitcoin’s adherents into three distinct classes: traders, cruisers, and hodlers. A most scientific endeavor, one might say, though it’s hard to imagine these categories surviving a Wildean satire. Traders, those ephemeral beings who hold their coins with the same permanence as a summer romance, are the first to dance to the tune of market whims.

Political Ties Spark Controversy

Amr Taha, that scribe of the digital age, says Binance’s spot volume leapt to 58% on July 23, and the price of Bitcoin, that fickle lover, clings to its $117,000 crutch. It’s like watching a farmer pray for rain while the clouds gather on the horizon. The numbers are a riddle, but the pattern? It’s as clear as mud. 🧠

Earlier today, Satsuma Technology—formerly known as TAO Alpha PLC, because nothing says “rebranding” like changing your name to something that sounds like a sci-fi novel—confirmed the successful completion of a $135 million fundraising round. Led by “high-profile funds and institutional participants,” which is just a fancy way of saying, “We found people who think this is a good idea.” The money will be used to support their BTC treasury strategy, which is essentially a fancy way of saying, “We’re going to buy more Bitcoin and hope it doesn’t crash.” 🚀

Just over a week since its inception, the token PUMP, which had once soared like a phoenix, now lies in the dust, its value dipping to a paltry $0.0028, a figure so low it might as well be a jest. The market capitalization, once a proud $1 billion, now teeters on the brink of oblivion, a victim of its own hubris and the capricious nature of the crowd.

But oh, the irony! In Ethereum’s case, a single $600 million ETH withdrawal flipped the script faster than a revolutionary pamphlet. Instead of a clean cooldown, it ripped open the veil, exposing the hidden fragility of Ethereum’s DeFi stack—a fragility as glaring as a capitalist’s greed. 🤑💔

After being a total show-off through mid-July, with Ethereum strutting around like it owned the place, it did hit a bit of a snag earlier this week. You know, peaked at $3,860 (cue the confetti) and then promptly decided to correct itself to $3,640, like a toddler who refuses to share their toys. And yes, it broke that channel, the climb-o-matic path that guided our dear ETH all the way up, but fret not folks, it’s still standing strong above important support zones—like that’s supposed to make us feel better or something. 🤷‍♀️

Behold, the 61.8% Fibonacci support level—a sacred relic in the temple of trading. Traders now watch like vultures, hoping FLOKI will rise from its ashes and flirt with higher heights. Will it? Only time will tell, or perhaps the market’s whimsical mood. 🪄

Make sure the title isn’t repeated as a header in the body. The original had an

Seriously though, we’re talking about a potential 111% increase for Bitcoin and a staggering 179% for Ethereum from where they are now. Half a year! Everyone’s watching to see if this is a stroke of genius or a particularly expensive hobby. 🍿