His portfolio was basically a Frankenstein monster of tokens-BTC, Zcash, ASTER, BNB, RESOLV-the sort of lineup that screams “I know what I’m doing,” right before it screams “I have no idea.”
This marks the first time that US-regulated markets will host perpetual-style crypto exposure, which has traditionally been offered only on offshore exchanges. One wonders if the regulators finally realized that “offshore” was just a fancy way of saying “we don’t care.” 😂
Yes, it’s like the Bond-boo-hag is back, demanding more J-Yen for their trouble. So, with the Bank of Japan tightening its purse strings, money starts to rush back home-like an ex at a bad party, wrecking the vibe everywhere else. And when that happens? The volatility monster wakes up-think of it as a roller coaster built by drunken engineers. The global markets tremble, and analysts look nervously at their charts. 🎢
Per Torrens’ evidence (a screenshot so sacred it could start a cult), Zcash’s search frenzy hit 52,000, while BTC and XRP-those once-proud titans-stumbled to 41,000 and 39,000, respectively. One might say the masses are trading wisdom for whimsy. 🤡
On-chain sleuth ZachXBT, with a nose for trouble, spotted our anonymous impresario converting 14.4 million ADA into 847,000 USDA, Cardano’s attempt at a stablecoin. A simple swap? Think again, darling. What followed was a dazzling display of bad judgment.
Ripple (XRP) is compressing like a spring-or a garbage bag. Take your pick. 🗑️ After the capitulation party, it’s now in a pennant. $2 is the magic number, apparently. Structural zone? More like a structural snooze fest. 😴
Bitcoin just did the dreaded ‘death cross’ dance below $93K. Cue the screaming goats on Twitter. 🐐
New York – In a move that could make Wall Street jealous, Figment, the undisputed titan of staking with a cool $18 billion under its belt, is expanding its reach into the world of stablecoins. And who better to join forces with than OpenTrade and Crypto.com? This dynamic trio is rolling out a product that’s nothing short of a game-changer. The OpenTrade Stablecoin Staking Yield, powered by Figment, promises an average APR of 15% on stablecoins (yes, you read that right), based on historical data and subject to market conditions. Welcome to a new era of crypto returns-if you can handle the hype.
Bitcoin (BTC) and Ethereum (ETH), those luminaries of the crypto cosmos, have experienced the most significant withdrawals, while multi-asset funds, those quiet rebels, attracted modest inflows as investors sought refuge in diversification. A tale of two cities, if you will. 🌍
In a tweet, Dr. Martin Hiesboeck, the venerable Head of Research at Uphold, revealed that the crypto exchange has been made aware of a most insidious phishing scam, which implores users to download a new desktop application. A most alarming development, one might say. ⚠️