House’s Hilarious Crypto Caper: GENIUS Act and Market Structure Bill Move Forward!

By a 215-211 vote, the House agreed to move forward with the Guiding and Establishing National Innovation for U.S. Stablecoins (GENIUS) Act, which, if you can believe it, creates federal oversight for stablecoin issuers and could reach President Donald Trump’s desk by week’s end. 🤷‍♂️ Lawmakers also cleared the Digital Asset Market Clarity Act, establishing comprehensive crypto market regulations and clarifying roles for the SEC and CFTC, alongside a measure that, in a shocking twist, bars the Federal Reserve from issuing central bank digital currencies (CBDCs) directly to individuals. 🤯 Not a single Democrat representative supported advancing the bills, following a tense earlier procedural vote that initially stalled the effort on Tuesday, making it a real nail-biter! 🎬🔥

Trump’s Itchy Firing Finger 🤣

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Now, it seems Trump’s got a bit of a grudge against Powell, what with him not cuttin’ interest rates and all. And let’s not forget that fancy-schmancy $2 billion renovation of the Fed buildin’! Why, that’s just a mighty fine way to get a fella’s goat, if you ask me. But some folks think Trump’s just tryin’ to get under Powell’s skin, like a pesky little brother. The thing is, though, that draft letter suggests Trump might just be serious about givin’ Powell the axe.

Fetch.ai’s Fiendishly Fun Frenzy: Will It Reach $1.03 or Just Keep Playing Hide and Seek?

Now, let’s talk about this sturdy little number known as the 0.618 Fibonacci retracement, which sounds like something out of a wizard’s spellbook but is really just a fancy way of saying our friend Fetch.ai has some decent bounce-back potential. It’s not just a number—no, no! It’s the trampoline of technical analysis! When it hit the ground at the value area low, it made quite the scene, heralding the classic “I am a rubber ball” recovery. 🏀

Austen’s Take: PI Price on the Brink, Yet a Spark of Hope 💖

Yet, amidst the sea of red signals, one beacon of hope remains. A key indicator suggests that the bulls, though seemingly vanquished, might yet rise to reclaim their throne. Should PI price ascend to the lofty heights of $0.47, the bearish forecast may be rendered as obsolete as a gentleman’s letter of introduction.

Shiba Inu Meltdown: Did Someone Forget to Feed the Whales? 🐕💸

Now, let’s crunch some ridiculous numbers. In the past 30 days, large holder inflows have absolutely plummeted – think diving off a cliff with no parachute – down a staggering 95% to -12%. Outflows? They’ve decided to join the party too, dropping a delightful 97% to 52%. If you’re wondering, that’s basically like a bunch of whales deciding to pack their bags and move to the Bahamas. 🏖️ Sorry, SHIB, but these big fish have left you high and dry!

Master Trader Sees Meme Magic: PENGU and BONK Soar in the Crypto Circus

Pseudonymous trader Bluntz, a man of mystery with a following of 324,600 on the social media platform X, has his eyes set on the Pudgy Penguins (PENGU) and is predicting a rise of about 66% from current levels. This, he assures us, is all part of a grand five-wave surge, as dictated by the Elliott Wave theory. 🌊