Tuttle Capital’s Crypto Blast ETFs: A Wild Ride or a Financial Fiasco? 🚀💸

According to the filing, each fund, a labyrinthine tapestry of financial alchemy, intertwines conventional company stocks with crypto-related ETFs. Tuttle, ever the visionary, intends to list these funds on the Cboe BZX Exchange, though they remain unapproved, rendering them as elusive as a mirage in a desert of regulatory scrutiny. The firm’s pitch? A steady income, coupled with crypto exposure, akin to sipping champagne while gambling at a roulette table-both intoxicating and perilous.

Orbs & Ionex: The Blockchain BFFs You Never Asked For 😂

Ran Hammer, Vice President of Business Development at Orbs, said, “Perpetual Hub Ultra makes it possible for any DEX to offer customized, high-performance perps trading experience, with full white label stack out of the box.” Translation: “We’ve made it so complicated, even your grandma’s toaster can’t mess it up.” 🤡

UK Rushes to Beat Red-White-And-Blue with Coiny Rules!

She stressed the importance of being a good “paired card” with the US financial system – because apparently, synchronized finance is the new synchronized swimming. A joint framework is sure to pep up those cross-border charms and patch up any awkward ‘regulatory gaps.’

Почему миф о 674% сжигания Шиба Ину – всего лишь сказка для наивных 🐶🔥

Общий сгоревший объем – порядка 410 триллионов токенов. И, нате-радуйтесь, – он практически не изменился за последние месяцы, несмотря на все эти огненные показатели ежедневных сжигов. Сжигать миллионы токенов ежедневно при общем запасе в почти 589 триллионов – всё равно что сгонять муху с корабля. Это не имеет никакого смысла, потому что эффект, как и в старой поговорке, – как капля в море (а море злая и черная, кому она нужна?).

Whales Gobble $1B in ETH While Markets Scream “Oh, Codswallop!”

According to the nosy folks at Lookonchain, Ethereum whales collectively gobbled more than 323,000 ETH (around $1.12 billion) in the past 48 hours. This feast followed a wave of liquidations that wiped out $39 million in long positions on Binance-the biggest flush since October’s spooky season! 🎃💸