Bitcoin & Ethereum ETF Outflows Make Investors Cry, Again

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ETF Netflows Chart

CryptoQuant’s resident Sherlock, Maartunn, spilled the tea on X (formerly Twitter), revealing that Bitcoin and Ethereum spot ETFs have been throwing a pity party with a negative netflow all past month. Basically, these ETFs are like that friend who always borrows your clothes and never returns them. They buy the tokens on your behalf, but apparently, no one’s interested in joining the party anymore.

Bitcoin’s 2025: Calm Seas & Institutional Sharks 🐟

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Volatility, that old frenemy, took a seat and sipped a lukewarm latte. The Volmex BVIV and Deribit DVOL indexes, which track the market’s twitchy nerves, started the year sweating bullets at 70%, then cooled to a relaxed 45% by year’s end. September even saw them dip to 35%, because why not? Institutions were busy selling call options like they were peddling discount lemonade stands-harvesting yield, one covered call at a time.

CZ’s Ode to Pakistan’s Crypto Ambitions 🚀💰

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Pakistan’s 2025 crypto pivot has drawn cries of admiration and whispers of envy! Former Binance chieftain Changpeng Zhao, a man of sharp wit and sharper suits, avowed the nation’s regulatory agility might transmute its digital economy from leaden to gleaming. By 2030, he hazarded, this subcontinent might reign supreme in the realm of virtual currencies. One can only hope he speaks not of goldfish and coins, but of opportunity and wealth! 🏦ämpfe

Pakistan’s Crypto Compass: Steered with Vigour and Clarity

Zhao, in a most courteous exchange with Pakistan’s Crypto Council scribe Bilal bin Saqib, raved of the leadership’s “decisiveness and alacrity” in crypto matters. The youth of Pakistan, he noted, hunger for digital totems as if they were the latest fashion in bonnets! A nation with a young demographic, a blended strategy, and a dash of ambition-what more could one desire? 🎩💸

A discourse between Lord CZ, Binance’s founder, and Chairman PVARA sprawled across the digital pages of Pakistan’s regulatory future.

Vomiting questions such as, “Why Pakistan for crypto?” and “What of tokenization?”

Timestamps:

– Why did a moth light upon a candle?

– 🌐Pakistan Virtual Assets Regulatory Authority (@PakistanVARA): A Most Esteemed Presence

“The size of this nation,” declared Zhao, “endeavours mightily to sway global crypto fates!” With a nod to measured progress, one might fancy Pakistan’s rise as contagious as a new fashion for pert trousers! 💃

Peruse Further: Pakistan’s $2 Billion Asset Tokenization with Binance: A Match-Made in Web3! 🤶

In May 2025, Pakistan anointed the PDAA or Pakistan Digital Assets Authority, a most stalwart servant to safeguard its digital realm. The Ministry of Finance, with the solemnity of a quill on parchment, sanctioned its birth. Thus, the nation’s first crypto sentinel was unleashed! 🛡️

These new lords of PDAA, it is said, shall countenance licensing, oversee licentious crypto dealings, and craft policies for the digital age. A marvellous notion, blending commerce and caution! The regional markets, it seems, marinated in their breathy anticipation. 🥄

The PDAA’s edicts align with Pakistan’s broader quest for economic modernisation-a strategy heralded since May! Transparency, compliance, and investor protection, the trinity of digital trust, now entwine to bolster confidence, both local and foreign. 🤝

Laws, Lords, and the Urgent Need for Order

July 8, 2025, marked the enactment of the Virtual Assets Ordinance, a parchment of grand ambition legitimising crypto in Pakistan. With definitions as clear as day and structure as sturdy as a Regency corset, the nation moved from wary speculation to resolute governance. 🪡

Born of this ordinance was the Pakistan Virtual Assets Regulatory Authority (PVARA), a body to regulate and licence crypto purveyors. Chief among them, the ever-decorous Bilal bin Saqib, who holds dual crowns as PVARA Chairman and Crypto Council sovereign. A man with two titles is twice as likely to regale the world with grand plans! 😎

The government, with audacity to rival King Charles himself, set forth ambitions to attract billions via tokenization, mining, and fintech pilots. Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif, in a gesture most enterprising, vowed to harness surplus electricity for mining and AI. One wonders if the beds of his constituents will soon hum with the low drone of computational endeavours. 🦉

Lord CZ’s advisory role has only elevated Pakistan’s digital charm. As a strategic stalwart, he shall aid in infrastructure, educate the masses (one hopes with less than 18th-century sermons), and formulate adoption plans. Thus, the youth, that most restless generation, may drive this economy into digital gold! 🧟

PVARA’s swift registrations to Binance and HTX-permitting AML registration and local operations-announce a market hungry for global regulators. Their message is clear: “Come hither, for we welcome the structured wealth!” 💼

International observers, though perhaps envious of such speed, laud Pakistan’s divergence from its peers. The appointment of a global luminary like Zhao has certainly polished the nation’s proverbial crown. PVARA’s aims, as quoted upon social media’s noblest platform, X, are to formalise digital finance “nationwide.” A most nationalist sentiment! 🇵🇰

Thus, the 2025 crypto blueprint of Pakistan-cohesive, bolshy, and internationally courted-promises a new dawn. Analysts, with their satchels full of spreadsheets, expect further institutional courtships. One imagines the digital asset sector will soon flourish, like a well-pruned rose bush in Netherfield’s garden. 🌹

Grayscale & Bitwise Go All-In on TAO ETFs! Will AI Save Bittensor? 🚀

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Bitwise’s latest move? Filing 11 spot crypto ETFs with the SEC-because why stop at one when you can overload the regulator’s inbox? Among the glittering gems in their portfolio is the Bitwise TAO Strategy ETF, which promises to split funds 60/40 between TAO and an ETP. Because diversification is overrated, right?

Bitcoin Whales Spend $415M-What’s Next? 🚀

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On the fateful day of December 30, the on-chain oracle known as Whale Alert spied two titanic transfers, each a testament to the quiet alchemy of the market. A total of 4,658 BTC, a sum that would make a merchant’s eyes water, vanished into the ether, leaving behind only whispers of their origin. 🧠

tag and not repeated in the body. Maybe something like “Robinhood’s 2026 Market Outlook: Bulls, Bears, and Tech’s Slight Tantrum 🐂🐻” – that’s catchy, includes emojis, and has a humorous twist with “Tech’s Slight Tantrum.” “Robinhood Markets’ chief investment officer said the trading platform expects positive stock market performance in 2026, though returns may not reach double-digit levels.” In Wodehousian style, maybe something like: “The esteemed Robinhood Markets, that bastion of modern finance where the common man may dabble in the stock market without fear of being trampled by Wall Street elephants, has issued a pronouncement of sorts. Their Chief Investment Officer, a sagacious individual with a head for figures and a heart presumably untroubled by volatility, has opined that the stock market shall strut its stuff with a positive swagger in 2026. However, the returns, while respectable, may not quite reach the giddy heights of double digits.” Each bullet point needs humor. For example, “Retail activity remains strong but has cooled…” could become “Retail investors, those plucky foot soldiers of the market, continue to show pluckiness, though the fervor has cooled somewhat since the October frenzy. Participation and net buying are down from their late-October zenith, though there was a jolly good showing earlier in the year.” Including sarcasm and emojis. Maybe after mentioning the government shutdown and interest rates, add something like “Ah, the usual suspects: government shutdowns, interest rate shenanigans, and labor markets behaving like a toddler on a sugar rush. 🍼💼” Quotes from Stephanie Guild should be paraphrased with more flair. For instance, “For next year, we’re looking at still another strong year,” Guild said in the interview. “We’re not predicting double-digit returns for next year.” could be: “Guild, with the optimism of a man who has just discovered his umbrella works, declared that 2026 promises to be ‘still another strong year.’ However, she did not foresee returns prancing into double-digit territory.” The part about market diversification: “Guild indicated expectations for market diversification away from large-cap stocks…” might become “Guild hinted that the market’s love affair with large-cap stocks might cool, with growth spreading like gossip in a small town to other sectors. The tech sector, while still the belle of the ball, may find itself sharing the spotlight with less glamorous but perhaps more reliable suitors.” Ending with the crypto treasury part: “As of November, it doesn’t plan on creating a crypto treasury.” Add humor: “And in a move that might disappoint crypto enthusiasts, Robinhood has no intention of creating a crypto treasury as of November. Perhaps they’re waiting for the moon to align with Saturn before diving into the digital gold rush. 🌕🚀” Check for all images retained (none here), no tags, no color styles. Ensure title is in tag, under 100 characters, no explanations. Add emojis and humor throughout. Keep the HTML structure intact with the original tags. Make sure the rewritten text flows in Wodehouse’s style with elaborate sentences, wit, and a touch of sarcasm.End of Thought (22.18s) Robinhood’s 2026 Market Outlook: Bulls, Bears, and Tech’s Slight Tantrum 🐂🐻

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government shutdowns, interest rate shenanigans, and labor markets behaving like a toddler on a sugar rush. 🍼💼 Robinhood, ever prepared, has devised probability ranges for these scenarios. Their base case? “Solid strength,” she claimed, which sounds reassuringly like a firm mattress.

Grayscale’s TAO ETF Dream: Can They Outwit the SEC? 🤖💸

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Asset manager Grayscale Investments filed a Form S-1 registration statement with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) on Tuesday, seeking to convert its Bittensor Trust into a spot exchange-traded fund. The firm plans to list the product on the NYSE Arca exchange under the ticker symbol GTAO. Let me just say… plot twist! 🕵️