Ripple’s Billion-Dollar Secret: Why It’s Richer Than Your Great-Grandma’s Pearls (And Klarna’s Dreams)

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Ripple, that most fashionable of blockchain sorcerers, has just conjured a valuation of $15 billion and a ranking as the 23rd largest private company on the planet. One must commend their ability to outshine Klarna and Anduril, the latter of which is backed by a man who once sold a company for billions and now sells drones. Progress, indeed. 🐉💸

For a company that spent the last few years locked in a legal tango with the SEC—complete with dramatic freezes and courtroom fireworks—this ranking is the blockchain equivalent of being invited to the Royal Ball. A triumph not just for Ripple, but for the entire crypto industry, which is finally learning that lawsuits and success can coexist. 🎩⚖️

Here are the details, darling. 📚

Ripple’s New Rank: What It Really Means

CB Insights, that most discerning of market valuation critics, has declared Ripple a top 25 private company. A feat, to be sure, especially when one considers the competition: 1,276 unicorn companies, or roughly the number of people who still believe in fairies after age 10. 🦄✨

Ripple, that paragon of blockchain innovation, now sits above Klarna ($14.5B) and Anduril ($14B)—the latter of which is backed by a man who once sold a company for $1 billion and now sells drones. A reminder that success is subjective. 🚁

The Global List: Who Else Is On It?

At the top of the heap, we find SpaceX, valued at $350 billion, with nearly $948 million in Bitcoin. A man who sells rockets and owns a $100 million Tesla, no less. How very… modern. 🚀elon

ByteDance and OpenAI follow, each worth $300 billion. A reminder that if you can’t beat them, buy them—or at least hire them to create AI that can. 🤖

What’s Driving Ripple’s Strong Position?

Ripple’s ascent is the result of a few masterstrokes, or as the less sophisticated might call them, “business moves.” Here’s a peek behind the curtain: 🎭

  • SEC Case Nears Finale: Ripple, in a magnanimous gesture, decided to hand the SEC a check and a thank-you note for the delightful legal dance. A $50 million settlement, because nothing says “I’m sorry” like a check. 💌
  • Ripple Payments Upgrade: What began as a cross-border payments tool has now evolved into a full platform. One must commend their ability to pivot from “Oh, this is just for banks” to “Oh, this is for everyone and their grandmother.” 🤝👵
  • UAE Expansion: Ripple is now courting the Middle East with new deals. A bold move, considering the region’s love for gold and oil. But who needs oil when you have XRP? 🌐
  • MiCA License Plans: Ripple is applying for a MiCA license. Because nothing says “trust us” like jumping through regulatory hoops. 🎪
  • U.S. Trust Bank Filing: Ripple is now applying to become a limited-purpose national trust bank. Because why not? After all, who better to trust with your money than a company that once had their entire fund frozen? 💼
  • XRP Price Outlook: According to Google’s Gemini model, XRP could hit $4.45 by August 31. A prediction as reliable as a weather forecast in a desert. ☀️
  • Stablecoin Trust: Ripple’s RLUSD stablecoin is now the #1 “Most Trusted.” A title that says as much about the competition as it does about Ripple. 🏆
  • Community & Transparency: Ripple benefits from a community that would probably protest if the company ever said “no.” A loyal following, to be sure. 🚨

So, Will Ripple Go Public?

Not this year, darling. Ripple’s CEO, Brad Garlinghouse, has made it clear that an IPO is not on the table. A bold stance in an age where companies beg for funding like it’s the last train out of town. 🚂

BREAKING

Brad Garlinghouse: Ripple doesn’t need to raise capital. There’s no IPO in 2025 — we haven’t needed outside funding. #XRP

Strong signal: Ripple is self-sustaining and focused on building, not begging.

— Xaif Crypto| (@Xaif_Crypto) April 17, 2025

President Monica Long, in a rare moment of clarity, confirmed that Ripple has “plenty of liquidity.” A phrase that, in corporate speak, means “we have enough money to buy a small island and name it after our cat.” 🐱🏝️

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2025-08-04 12:24