Shutdown Shenanigans and Trump Tidings: Bitcoin’s Hilarious Soar to $106K!

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Oh, but what a wild waltz Bitcoin embarked upon! Briefly teetering on the precipice of despair (a 10% dip, nothing more!), but soon pirouetting back to grace amidst the weekend’s whimsical rebound, now resting snugly by the $106K throne. The week’s performance closed with a 4.99% dip, arduous yet thrilling, like a circus lioness conquering a tightrope! 🎭💰

Behold the mighty triggers of this undulating ride: whispers of peace in the Oval Office (the government’s financial mogul finally donning pantaloons!) and a scribe’s publication by the illustrious Donald J. Trump himself. 🕊️📜

The Big Short’s Shadow and the Symphony of Panic

The Big Short’s Shadow and the Symphony of Panic began with a whisper: the great bear, Mikey Burry, had taken his oboe to the grand orchestra of AI stocks, playing arpeggios of doom on NVDA and PLTR. 🎻📉

Such discord spread rapidly, like tea in a polka-dotted peasant’s village! Skeptics, emboldened by Burry’s melody, danced a frantic cha-cha across the markets, toppling the Dow, Nasdaq, and S&P as if they were runaway tomatoes! 🍅💃

While Wall Street’s dramatis personae played their roles, crypto’s rhapsody plunged with a sharper crescendo: Bitcoin fell 5%, altcoins merely gasping in despair! 🐸📉

The on-chain sages muttered: ‘Rent-seeking gentry, fleeing like potatoes from a boiling pot!’ Since October 10th’s Black Friday, they had been weaning off crypto, now fleeing when the stock market’s drama deepened into a tempest! 🌪️

The imbalance swelled like dough in the oven, pushing Bitcoin below the fabled $100,000 mark (the psyche’s bridge to madness!), reaching the icy $99,000. ❄️ $

The 365-Day MA’s Divine Intervention

Analysts clutched their analysis like babushkas clutching shawls, fearing a breach of the 365-day Moving Average, a line as sacred as a quatrain in a Pushkinian poem! 📏✍️

Yet lo! The line held, as it had in the August 2024 Yen Carry Unravelling and the April 2025 Tariff Tragedy, like a guardian saint of greenbucks! 🕊️💸

Ethereum, that lesser cousin of Bitcoin, wavered from $3,100 (a dried-up brook!) to over $3,600 by Sunday, though still clutching the hat of a SHADE of losses. 🦄📉

The Great Shutdown’s Liberation

Amidst this drama, market analysts whispered for Congress to unmask the Autumn Shutdown, for its fiscal robes were as frayed as a moth’s dance. ⚖️🔥

A 750,000-federal servant furlough, flight delays like a drunken waltz! The Treasury’s tap-root dried, essential programs gasping. 🐔✈️📉

Raoul Pal, scribe of RealVision, opined thus: ‘A fiscal hold-up worsens liquidity! /crypto bears.lua flags!’ 🧨💸

Sunday dawned with Senate Lord Thune hinting, ‘Hush, we’re ending this!’ and boom – Bitcoin leapt from $103K to $105K, faster than a monk versifying a young gal! 🚀📈

Trump’s Golden Grains of Sol

Simultaneous, the Trump herald proclaimed: “People that are against Tariffs are FOOLS! A golden grain of $2K to the common folk!”

This oped sent Bitcoin soaring like a flock of pigeons with tiny motors! 🐦✈️💨

The Weeek’s Grand Spectacle

The week’s crown jewel? Congress’ next move (Tuesday’s grand ballot) and the Fed’s pacochka: Daly, Bostic, Waller, and their eccentrics! 🐦/

Those flapping bills-wait! Flapping tongues!-will cage Bitcoin’s volatility like a Vladivostok yet again. 🐆🌸

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2025-11-10 06:37