Strategy just reported a $2.8B profit, which is basically the cryptocurrency version of “I’m not lazy, I’m just on a different schedule.” 🚀
Turns out, their secret sauce? Holding Bitcoin like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party. 💸
They bought 640k BTC at $74k each, now it’s worth $110k each. That’s like buying a coffee for $3 and selling it for $5.50. You’re a genius, you’re a genius! ☕🔥
“We’re the world’s leading Bitcoin Treasury Company,” said Phong Le, who’s clearly never met a spreadsheet he didn’t want to monetize. 📊
They raised $20B through their “robust capital markets platform” – which I assume is just a fancy term for “we sold some more Bitcoin.”
Also, they’re planning to outperform Bitcoin in four years. But also, patience. Because nothing says “I’m serious about investing” like waiting a decade. 🕰️
Bottom line: Strategy’s not just holding Bitcoin – they’re basically a Bitcoin ATM with a CEO who’s way too confident. 💸
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2025-11-01 20:25