The Mysterious 10AM Bitcoin Bleed: A Tale of Panic and BTC

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A 10AM Bitcoin massacre erases $40B, as algorithms dance and liquidations rain like crypto confetti. 🐘

At precisely ten past the hour, Bitcoin shuddered like a teakettle in a storm, plummeting $2,000 in 35 minutes. The market cap, once proud, now wept $40 billion into the void. Liquidations swarmed like vultures-$132 million in long positions devoured in under an hour. One might think it was a clock malfunction, but no, this was business as usual.

Traders, armed with coffee and existential dread, muttered about the “10AM curse.” Was it institutional selling? Algo strategies? Or perhaps a shadowy cabal of traders with a taste for chaos? Theories abounded, but the truth, as always, lay buried in spreadsheets and existential despair.

U.S. Jobs Data and Bitcoin’s Midday Moping

The U.S. jobs report arrived like a broken compass: unemployment rose to 4.6%, the highest in years, while payrolls surged by 64,000. A curious paradox, akin to a clown crying at a funeral. Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, ever the diplomat, warned the numbers might be skewed by a government shutdown-a bureaucratic hiccup that made everyone question reality.

Markets, however, had already priced in two rate cuts for 2026, and Bitcoin, the emotional investor, dropped 1.6% to $86,422. Analysts blamed everything from ETF arbitrage to CME futures. In short: no one knew, but they were very certain about it. 🤷

10AM Liquidations: A Symphony of Suffering

As if on cue, $132M in longs vanished during the 10AM ritual. Automated triggers clacked like typewriters, and high-frequency traders giggled into their mugs. Some whispered of “manipulation” and “Jane Street strategies,” while others simply wept into their laptops.

BREAKING: The 10AM witching hour strikes again. 🕸️

Bitcoin lost $2,000 in 35 minutes. $40B vanished. Retailers weep. Algorithms laugh.

– Bull Theory (@BullTheoryio), who clearly hasn’t slept since 2020.

Bitcoin’s volume spiked like a caffeine addict’s heartbeat. Traders, ever the optimists, vowed to “monitor macro data” while secretly wondering if their screens were haunted.

Related Readings: MetaMask Joins the Bitcoin Party-Now With 100% Less Drama

Bhutan’s Bitcoin Utopia: Mindfulness Over Margin Calls

Meanwhile, in a land far, far away from 10AM liquidations, Bhutan declared it would spend 10,000 BTC on “Mindfulness City.” A city of meditation centers and green spaces? How quaint. Analysts, ever the buzzkills, noted this could “impact ETF arbitrage and algo trading.” Because nothing says “peace” like a bunch of bots arguing over BTC. 🌿

BREAKIKG: Bhutan’s king builds a city with Bitcoin. Genius or madness? 🔥

– The Bitcoin Historian (@pete_rizzo_), who definitely owns BTC.

Mindfulness City, they say, will offer “long-term societal benefits.” Meanwhile, high-frequency traders will probably short it. Such is life in the 21st century: monks meditate, and algorithms monetize. 🙏

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2025-12-17 16:11