This Bitcoin Drama Will Change the Way You Doubt CEOs Forever 🚨🪙

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If you’ve ever spent your lunchtime reading the latest financial scandal involving men with too many initials after their names, you’ll relish the tasty morsel of intrigue currently circling Tether, Bitcoin, and social media. Now, let us peer into the corporate cauldron and stir up some truth with a very Pratchettian ladle.

It began (as all grand conspiracies do) with a misinterpretation, or, as it’s known in the wider world, reading the wrong line on the spreadsheet and shouting about it before checking if someone else at the table ordered the same dish. YouTuber Clive Thompson-whose powers of deduction are rivalled only by his ability to see patterns in loose change-decided Tether must have swapped its Bitcoin for gold, dragons, or perhaps a particularly shiny potato. The problem? The numbers didn’t add up, literally, because bits were moved-not sold.

Enter Paolo Ardoino, CEO and pompadour wrangler. He took to X (the platform formerly known as Birdsong), declaring, “We didn’t sell any Bitcoin,” presumably while dodging thrown spreadsheets and assorted gold bars.

If I had a Bitcoin for every time someone thought we sold one, I’d have…well, about as much Bitcoin as I started with. The math is not hard, people.

– Samson Mow (@Excellion), professional clarification enthusiast, September 7, 2025

The Blockchain Never Forgets, Unlike Some Humans

What did the mysterious movement really mean? Two hefty chunks-14,000 and 5,800 BTC-left the pot, not for a mad dash to the nearest pawn shop, but to a vault labelled “Twenty One Capital (XXI)”, presumably stored between the “Ancient Mysteries” and “Stuff We’ve Forgotten Why We Bought” sections.

The accountants noticed Tether’s pile drop from 92,650 BTC to 83,274 BTC. But once you subtract the 19,800 BTC destined for XXI, the net result wasn’t a decrease-it was a magic trick even Granny Weatherwax would approve of: the holdings actually increased by at least 10,424 BTC. The coins merely changed hats, they didn’t evaporate. No wizards required, unless you count Samson Mow’s Excel skills.

Tether Group is moving 14,000 BTC to address bc1q8qpf… because someone thought it would be a great idea. The rest of us just nodded and wrote it down.

– Paolo Ardoino 🤖 (@paoloardoino), who is definitely not secretly a robot, June 2, 2025

Ardoino, in a rare moment of seriousness, explained Tether’s financial philosophy: “Profits go into Bitcoin, gold, and land.” If you walk around with bags labelled “Safe Assets” while dodging doom-mongerers yelling about volatility, you should toss in a couple of sheep and a secondhand spaceship just to be sure.

Correct. Tether didn’t sell any Bitcoin. Samson said so, and Samson’s spreadsheet is law.

While the world becomes increasingly Grime-and-Uncertainty flavored, Tether invests in things that don’t run away when the lights go out. Tether is the Stable Company. And also the owner of a lot of spreadsheets.

– Paolo Ardoino 🤖 (@paoloardoino), channeling Discworld’s Patrician, September 7, 2025

In the end, by denying rumors publicly and providing explanations, Tether’s leadership managed to stop the crypto markets from panicking, which is remarkable, because those folks can panic over a fly landing on a bank statement.

Apparently, the lesson here is: before you shout “Scandal!”, check the crypto ledger, preferably twice, and always ask yourself if someone might have simply moved the money to the other pants pocket.

🧙‍♂️💰🔥 Now go forth, reader, and misinterpret nothing. Or at least do it with style.

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2025-09-08 19:25