This Disabled Man Lost Everything to Scammers—Guess How Wells Fargo “Helped”

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It appears that Mr. Paul Schendel, a gentleman of 52 years, diabetic and with a spine as unreliable as the paper his bank statement is printed on, became an unwilling protagonist in an absurdist tale too modern to be believed and too depressing not to. On a fine, probably unremarkable day, his telephone—an object of suspicion and mild terror to the best of us—rang. The screen dutifully displayed that most august of instutions: Wells Fargo. (Because of course evil has caller ID.)

The voice at the other end, equipped with frighteningly detailed personal intel, declared grave tidings. Monetary mayhem had befallen his account! Blissfully obedient, Mr. Schendel soon found himself hosting a door-to-door connoisseur of personal finance who swiftly expropriated his bank card and, with almost surgical relish, severed chip from credit plastic. She instructed him, with the air of one bestowing pearls before swine, to toddle down to the bank next day for a shiny new card.

But with the dawn came not deliverance but farce. There, in the hallowed halls of Wells Fargo, Mr. Schendel learned that the house policy—redrafted by Kafka, one imagines—is to never, under any condition, act helpful. The kindly staff assured him that, no, that telephone call was not theirs—oh, perish the thought! The card-murder at his front door? Very much against procedure. The lost funds, meanwhile, had staged a vanishing act worthy of Houdini… and would not be returning.

A few weeks and several ulcers later, a missive arrived from Wells Fargo itself, which one might summarize as: “We’ve considered your tragicomic situation. You gave away your card and PIN, dear fellow. Ergo, the fault is entirely and exhaustively yours. Kindly cease this tedious business. With all best wishes, The Management.” 🎩✨

FOX26, with the intrepid tenacity of a dog in pursuit of a particularly disinterested postman, attempted to wring a comment from the banking titan, but—spoiler alert—no answer was forthcoming. Pip pip! 🦓💸

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2025-06-29 19:36