Trump’s Greenland Crush: Billionaires, Minerals, and Crypto Dreams 😏

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So, Donald Trump’s got a thing for Greenland, huh? 🗺️💍 Apparently, it’s a “national security priority.” Sure, Don, sure. Or maybe it’s just a giant ice cube with a side of rare earth minerals that your tech billionaire buddies are drooling over. 🤑

Let’s be real: Greenland’s got more untapped resources than a reality TV star’s ego. Vast territory? Check. Minerals? Check. Tiny population? Double check. It’s like the ultimate Black Friday sale for Silicon Valley, and Trump’s the guy holding the door open. 🚪✨

Why Greenland’s Suddenly Hotter Than Trump’s Twitter Feed

Remember back in 2019 when Trump called Greenland “a large real estate deal”? 🏢💰 Classic Trump. But at the time, he was like, “Nah, not a priority.” Fast forward to 2024, and suddenly it’s “an absolute necessity.” What changed? Oh, just the fact that his tech billionaire BFFs started whispering sweet nothings about rare earth minerals in his ear. 🤫💎

Fun fact: When Denmark’s Prime Minister said Greenland wasn’t for sale, Trump canceled his visit faster than he blocks people on Twitter. Xi Jinping and Justin Trudeau were like, “Yeah, no thanks,” to Trump’s shopping spree too. 🛍️🙅‍♂️

Trump canceled his visit to Denmark after their Prime Minister said Greenland wasn’t for sale.

Hoping also to avoid further face-to-face meetings, Xi Jinping declared Hong Kong “unaffordable” for Trump, and Justin Trudeau declared he’d never sell Vancouver Island at any price.

– George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) August 21, 2019

But Trump’s not one to take no for an answer. During his 2024 campaign, Greenland became his favorite missed opportunity. Like, more than not buying Amazon stock in the 90s. 📉😭

Then, a month before taking office, he declared “ownership and control” of Greenland a must-have. Because nothing says “Making America Great Again” like colonizing an Arctic island. 🇺🇸❄️

Let’s be honest: Trump’s just the face of this operation. The real brains (and wallets) are the tech billionaires who’ve been eyeing Greenland like it’s the last slice of pizza. 🍕👀

Billionaires’ Arctic Playbook: Minerals, Crypto, and a Dash of Chaos

Over the past decade, tech billionaires, venture funds, and crypto dreamers have been circling Greenland like sharks in a very cold ocean. 🦈❄️ Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, and Michael Bloomberg? Yep, they’re in. Sam Altman? Also in. Peter Thiel? Of course. They’re all betting on Greenland like it’s the next Bitcoin. 💰⛏️

Take KoBold Metals, for example. Since 2019, Gates, Bloomberg, and Bezos have been throwing money at it through Breakthrough Energy. Then Sam Altman joined the party with Apollo Projects. Mark Zuckerberg and Andreessen Horowitz? Also on the guest list. It’s like a billionaire sleepover, but with more minerals. 🛏️💎

But it’s not just about mining. Peter Thiel’s backing Praxis, a startup that wants to turn Greenland into a “network state”-basically a crypto utopia with fewer rules and more tokens. 🌐🪙 Dryden Brown, Praxis’s CEO, even tweeted about trying to buy Greenland. Spoiler: It didn’t go well. 😬

I went to Greenland to try to buy it

Here’s what happened:

– Dryden (@drydenwtbrown) November 12, 2024

Praxis has raised over $525 million to build a crypto-enabled city in Greenland. Because nothing says “innovation” like tokenizing an Arctic island. 🏙️❄️

And guess what? These billionaires aren’t just lurking in the background. They’re now part of Trump’s inner circle, pulling the strings like puppet masters. 🎭🧵

When Billionaires Write Policy (and Trump Signs It)

Trump’s administration is basically a who’s who of Greenland investors. Howard Lutnick, his commerce secretary, has ties to Critical Metals Corp, which is all about those sweet, sweet minerals. 🏛️⛏️ And let’s not forget Ken Howery, the new US ambassador to Denmark. He’s a Thiel and Musk buddy, so you know Greenland’s on his to-do list. 🗺️📝

Elitist billionaires Bill Gates, Peter Thiel, Sam Altman, and Jeff Bezos are targeting Greenland for a radical experiment, a so called freedom city modeled as a network state.

The proposal envisions carving out small corporate run territories, described by critics as a form of…

– Shadow of Ezra (@ShadowofEzra) January 12, 2026

So, is national security really the reason for Trump’s Greenland obsession? Or is it just a fancy excuse for his billionaire pals to cash in? 🕵️‍♀️💼 One thing’s for sure: Greenland’s about to get a lot busier, and not just with icebergs. 🧊🚀

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2026-01-14 23:33