UK Bitcoin Firm Raises $135M – What Could Possibly Go Wrong? 😂

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Meet Satsuma Technology, the London-based firm that’s basically a Bitcoin ATM with a PhD in finance. 🤯 They just raised over £100 million—$135 million, if you prefer the American version of reality—so they can buy more BTC. Because nothing says “financial stability” like trusting a digital currency that’s basically a meme with a blockchain. 🎉

UK Firm Raises Funds For Bitcoin Acquisition

Earlier today, Satsuma Technology—formerly known as TAO Alpha PLC, because nothing says “rebranding” like changing your name to something that sounds like a sci-fi novel—confirmed the successful completion of a $135 million fundraising round. Led by “high-profile funds and institutional participants,” which is just a fancy way of saying, “We found people who think this is a good idea.” The money will be used to support their BTC treasury strategy, which is essentially a fancy way of saying, “We’re going to buy more Bitcoin and hope it doesn’t crash.” 🚀

The raise was executed through a private offering of a secure convertible loan note. Fortified Securities acted as the lead broker for non-US investors, while Dawson Jones handled US distribution—available only to accredited investors. Because nothing says “democratic finance” like only letting the rich play. 💸

If Satsuma converts the entire raise into BTC, it would propel the firm to second place among the UK’s largest corporate BTC holders. According to data from bitcointreasuries.net, Satsuma Technology currently holds 29 BTC, ranking fifth on the list. Fifth! Because nothing says “financial power” like owning 29 Bitcoin and dreaming of 1,600. 🤑

Leading the UK’s corporate Bitcoin treasury rankings is web development and digital marketing firm The Smarter Web Company, which holds 1,600 BTC—worth approximately $190 million at current prices. Phoenix Digital Assets follows in second place with 247 BTC, valued at around $29.34 million. So, the UK’s top Bitcoin holders are either a web dev company or a digital asset firm. What’s next? A bakery that sells Bitcoin cookies? 🍪

Commenting on the raise, Mark Moss, Chief Bitcoin Strategist at Satsuma Technology, said the funding reflects strong investor confidence in the firm’s strategic direction. He added: “With this expanded capital base, we anticipate providing a platform within London to promote the future of decentralized infrastructure, accelerating both our Bitcoin accumulation strategy and our role in driving institutional Bitcoin adoption across Europe.” Because nothing says “future” like a spreadsheet and a coffee table. ☕

BTC Adoption Gains Ground In The UK

While the US has taken major steps to establish itself as a global cryptocurrency hub—through initiatives like forming a strategic BTC reserve and rolling out multiple favorable regulations—other countries are beginning to follow suit. The UK, once as cautious as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, has finally decided to dip a toe into the crypto pool. 🐱

The UK has recently shifted from a historically cautious stance on digital assets. In May, the UK government released draft legislation aimed at establishing a comprehensive regulatory framework for cryptocurrencies. Because nothing says “regulation” like a government finally admitting that Bitcoin exists. 🧑‍⚖️

In a notable political development, Reform UK leader Nigel Farage recently proposed creating a strategic BTC reserve within the Bank of England if elected. He also introduced a bill seeking to reduce capital gains tax on cryptocurrencies from 24% to 10%. Because what’s more British than a gold-backed Bitcoin? 🏴‍☠️

Separately, UK-based gold mining firm Bluebird Mining Ventures recently announced plans to adopt BTC as its primary treasury reserve asset. At press time, BTC trades at $118,339, up 0.6% in the past 24 hours. Because nothing says “financial foresight” like switching from gold to a digital currency that’s basically a meme. 🦄

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2025-07-25 05:44