In an era where the most fearsome pirates are sitting behind computer screens, Arizona’s own David Schweikert has come up with a bold idea to counter cybercrime: let’s unleash a new breed of “neo-privateers”-state-backed, tech-savvy pirates, of course-on the unsuspecting world of cybercriminals. His proposal, the rather delightfully named “Scam Farms Marque and Reprisal Authorization Act of 2025”, was introduced this past August. Because nothing screams modern warfare quite like a throwback to 18th-century piracy, right?
Here’s the gist: the bill allows the president to hand out letters of marque to “privately armed and equipped persons” (pirates, basically) who are contracted to do everything in their power to “seize property” and perhaps even “punish” cybercriminals deemed to be a threat. Naturally, these “privately armed” folks won’t be sailing the high seas but will instead engage in a digital treasure hunt, seizing cryptocurrency and, if necessary, extracting justice. Arrr!
And what exactly constitutes a “cybercriminal”? Oh, just the usual suspects: crypto theft, pig butchering scams (yes, that’s a thing), ransomware attacks, identity theft, unauthorized computer access, password trafficking, and corrupting computers with malicious code. The bill reads:
“Criminal enterprises that employ cybercrimes and coerced labor present an unusual and extraordinary threat to the economic and national security of the United States.”
What a fancy way to say, “We need to stop these digital pirates from sinking our ships of state.” They even call these acts “acts of war.” (Now, where have we heard that before?) What’s next-cyber pirates invading your inbox?
US Could Funnel Seized Assets into Bitcoin Reserve and National Crypto Stockpile
And if that isn’t wild enough, brace yourselves: the US government might just turn all the stolen crypto it seizes into a shiny new Bitcoin reserve. In July, hackers made off with a casual $142 million in crypto, but that’s nothing compared to the staggering $3 billion in stolen crypto so far this year. At this rate, the US government is starting to look like a de facto crypto custodian.
In an ironic twist, President Trump signed an executive order in January that lets the government stash away crypto via budget-neutral strategies or asset forfeiture. Oh, the sweet irony of a government creating a crypto reserve, all funded by the very thieves they’re trying to catch!
In one of the more entertaining stories, US law enforcement seized over 20 Bitcoin (worth $2.3 million) from the FBI’s operation against the Chaos ransomware gang. Meanwhile, the Department of Justice (DOJ) managed to snag a cool $1 million in crypto from the BlackSuit ransomware group. It seems like every month the DOJ is raiding wallets like a tech-savvy pirate crew.
But wait, there’s more! In August, the DOJ went after a wallet belonging to Ianis Aleksandrovich Antropenko, a cybercriminal who earned himself a hearty $2.8 million seizure for his ransomware activities. At this rate, these crypto pirates will soon be organizing auctions for their plunder.
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2025-08-23 00:53