Once upon a regulatory vacuum strode stately Citigroup, ledger tucked under its frock coat like a perfumed snuffbox, ready to baptise those flighty little stablecoins-those peasant-born coins-in the holy waters of Custody.
A House of Marble Decides to Play Midwife to Coins Wearing Digital Overalls
The grey old abbey otherwise known as “The Bank” has rediscovered that distant cousins of crooks and visionaries-these crypto-sprats-are now considered quite marriageable material. Why, a new decree from the American legislatures suddenly insists the little sprites must sleep on mattresses stuffed with Treasury bills. Naturally, a gentleman always profits from minding the mattresses. 😏
We shall fold each crisp Republic bill into origami swans,
and keep the stablecoins from eloping with the circus.
Peek farther down the ledger and you will spy rows of Bitcoin ETFs-puffed-up barons parading in gilt waistcoats. BlackRock’s Ishares hoard now weighs a lordly ninety billion; the Bank quietly practices how to curtsy. Coinbase guards the treasury for now, of course, but what is a modest decade among bulldog barons? Surely, an old house with Corinthian columns can still win a wink at the dance.
Meanwhile, in a candle-lit cellar beneath Lower Manhattan, whispered plans for instant, token-borne dollars dart like wayward fireflies between New York and Hong Kong. Imagine-no pigeons needed, no clerks chewing pens, only a click and the money scampers across oceans faster than a rake fleeing matrimony. 🤩
Yet icy chaperones remain unmoved: AML clerks in frosty spectacles, cross-border referees waving yellow flags, and, of course, that eternal governess-compliance-who insists every coin be scrubbed behind the ears and tucked beneath starched sheets before bedtime.
So ends the latest chapter-one might almost say farce-where ancient marble meets neon blockchain, and every iron safe must learn to smile at a hash code. The curtain falls on this absurdity tonight; tomorrow the same players will reappear in fresh wigs, still mumbling eternity-yet somehow, still richer for the masquerade.
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2025-08-16 03:58