What Happens When a Government Accidentally Becomes the Biggest Bitcoin Hoarder? 🤔💰

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Ah, the ever-contentious tale of Bitcoin in the clutches of a most curious collector—namely, the US Government. Recent whispers spread like wildfire, suggesting that 85% of this digital treasure had vanished into the ether. Yet, behold! New revelations surface, as if from a magician’s top hat, suggesting that the government’s crypto hoard remains as hefty as a well-fed cat on a sunny windowsill.

This newfound clarity, while most welcome, prompts a resounding question: what calamities might ensue should our trusty government ever decide to part with their sparkling trove?

Arkham Declares: The Government Still Holds a Whopping $24 Billion in Bitcoin!

Only a week ago, headlines screamed that the treasury had sliced its Bitcoin holdings by a staggering 85%, leaving behind what could barely fill a single gardener’s bucket—~29,000 coins, they said. Senator Cynthia Lummis, in a fit of strategic outrage, warned us of a digital disaster in the making.

“I’m alarmed by reports that the US has sold off over 80% of its Bitcoin reserves,” lamented Lummis, channeling the spirits of lost opportunity. “If true, this is a total strategic blunder and sets the United States back years in the bitcoin race.”

These rather alarming reports—decreed by a messenger from the US Marshall’s office—have now been unfurled like a cheap circus tent. Arkham Intelligence, in its characteristic scholarly hush, clarified that the government is still firmly bolstered by $24 billion worth of Bitcoin, rather than the paltry $3.47 billion once prescribed.

Arkham dispels the notion that the US Government has only a mere 28,988 BTC tucked under its metaphorical mattress, attributing earlier claims to a slight oversight concerning portfolio diversification—exactly the sort of mixing up one might expect from a forgetful barista.

Furthermore, many a branch of the government, including the FBI, the DOJ, the DEA, and even the local dog catcher’s office, proudly hold parts of this digital bounty.

In this noble pursuit, Arkham illuminates that the government possesses at least 198,000 BTC, a value teetering around the neighborhood of $23.5 billion at today’s rates—what a tidy sum for a government basement sale!

“The US Government currently holds at least 198,000 BTC ($23.5B) across multiple addresses held by different government arms—none of this has moved for 4 months,” Arkham articulated with an air of undeniable confidence.

Behold, the US’s colossal Bitcoin stash far eclipses that of the UK and Bhutan, who muster a meager $7 billion and $1.3 billion, respectively. A heavy crown indeed!

THE US GOVERNMENT HOLDS $24B BTC

THE UK GOVERNMENT HOLDS $7B BTC

BHUTAN HOLDS $1.3B BTC

THE GOVERNMENTS ARE HERE

— Arkham (@arkham) July 23, 2025

This amusing revelation while illuminating, rejuvenates the audience’s unease: what chaos may erupt if the US government opts to barter its cryptocurrency for a shiny toaster or perhaps an endless supply of avocado toast?

Previously, when chaos reigned over the fear that the government had cunningly sold off their Bitcoin, analysts and investors found a strength akin to rock in the face of a headache-inducing price dip. Yet, with this latest enlightenment, concerns flutter back to life like moths drawn to a flickering lightbulb.

If the US sold off most of its Bitcoin and the price is still at $120k, can you imagine what happens now that they aren’t selling? 🤑

— Ran Neuner (@cryptomanran) July 16, 2025

Trump’s Crypto Circus Readies a Report—Will It Illustrate a Plan for Bitcoin Reserves?

Meanwhile, this latest twist arrives just in time for the upcoming report from Trump’s crypto ensemble—surely among the most sought-after entertainments of the week.

This merry task force will unveil its extensive report on July 30, marking the halfway point since President Trump unleashed his digital sleuths into the wild world of crypto.

The President’s Working Group on Digital Assets has completed the 180-day report. It will be released publicly on July 30th.

America is now leading the way on digital asset policy—perhaps right to the colorfully gilded top!

— Bo Hines (@BoHines47) July 23, 2025

The report is expected to regale audiences with tales of stablecoin oversight, token classification, and perhaps even the whimsical realm of enforcement reforms following the signing of the GENIUS Act. And who doesn’t love a good story about a genius?

Anticipation mounts as the working group is poised to weave a tapestry that binds the GENIUS and CLARITY Acts, token classification, crypto taxation, and most critically, the feasibility and funding of the strategic Bitcoin reserve—certainly bound to spark a lively dinner conversation!

Experts forecast a hard-nosed approach, favoring not retail Central Bank Digital Currencies (CBDCs) amid privacy concerns, but rather perhaps a nurturing of USD-pegged stablecoins, akin to lovingly rearing an exotic pet.

“This isn’t necessarily about the US buying Bitcoin on the open market, but rather exploring the feasibility of establishing a federal crypto reserve, potentially drawing from seized digital assets,” Monica Jasuja, chief expansion and innovation officer at Emerging Payments Association Asia, expressed with a glimmer in her eye.

The community collectively hopes the working group might unearth a clever way for the US government to amass a wealth of Bitcoin while keeping tax dollars safely sheltered from harm’s way. A noble quest indeed!

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2025-07-24 11:17