Crypto News

Ah, Nigeria! A land of boundless energy, vibrant cultures, and now, it seems, digital currencies. The Nigerian Federal Government has decided to grace the world with its remarkable foresight by forming a working group to investigate the potential adoption of stablecoins. Yes, you heard that right – stablecoins. A term that sounds both futuristic and mildly suspicious. The announcement came straight from the esteemed Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) Governor Olayemi Cardoso, who, no doubt, was enthusiastically waving the digital currency flag.

Oh, the drama! It appears our dear WazirX, that most fickle of crypto exchanges, has deigned to reopen its doors. A “new Funds page,” they call it – as if a slightly rearranged digital ledger can erase the anxieties of the past! One almost suspects a touch of theatricality, don’t you think? 🤔

It all revolves around this Chinese mining pool, LuBian. You know, the one that got…lightly inconvenienced… back in 2020. Inconvenienced to the tune of 127,426 BTC. Which, let’s be real, is more than my lifetime supply of avocado toast. 🥑

Right ho! It appears young Arthur Hayes, a fellow not entirely unfamiliar with the complexities of finance (or, as I suspect, simply fond of making pronouncements), has had a bit of a go at Japan’s economic machinations. He’s pronounced them, shall we say, less than ideal, while simultaneously reaffirming his rather exuberant belief that Bitcoin will one day fetch a princely sum – a million dollars, no less! The gist of it, you see, is that all this printing of money is a frightful muddle, causing the yen to wobble and leaving sensible chaps to seek refuge in the altogether more reliable realm of decentralized finance. 🧐

This grand scheme, however, is not without its stingy limitations. Full bank privileges? Perish the thought! These accounts would likely earn no interest whatsoever, and the Fed’s discount window would remain firmly shut, as if it were a drawing-room door slammed in one’s face. Balance caps and risk limits would abound, like a hostess at a garden party who’s determined to keep the champagne flowing-but only in thimblefuls. Waller, ever the cautious host, noted that the plan remains in its exploratory phase, as if the Fed were testing whether guests might accidentally spill the punch bowl.

Picture this: a crypto firm so bold it makes the Gold Rush look like a church bake sale teams up with ETF gurus who’ve turned Bitcoin into a respectable parlor trick for pension funds. Falconx, the brainchild of a chap named Raghu Yarlagadda, is now hitching its wagon to 21shares, a outfit that’s been peddling digital asset ETFs like hotcakes at a fire sale. The deal’s got more cash and equity than a Silicon Valley divorce.

In case you missed it, here’s the deal:

This cheeky post, unleashed on Wednesday, October 22 (a date that’ll live in infamy, or at least in Schiff’s nightmares), finds Brandt serving up a sarcastic slam-dunk as gold suddenly face-plants from its giddy record highs. Talk about a plot twist straight out of a bad comedy! 👀🚀

FINTRAC, ever the stickler for rules, dished out a C$176.96M slap (about $126M) to Xeltox Enterprises Ltd., the folks behind Cryptomus. 🎩 It seems the platform was more “sloppy” than a diplomat’s handshake. 💸

Oh, how delightful! You’ve stumbled upon Crypto Long & Short, our weekly ode to digital finance for the “sophisticated” investor. Do join the circus-every Wednesday! 🎩🎪