Crypto News

In case you missed it, here’s the deal:

This cheeky post, unleashed on Wednesday, October 22 (a date that’ll live in infamy, or at least in Schiff’s nightmares), finds Brandt serving up a sarcastic slam-dunk as gold suddenly face-plants from its giddy record highs. Talk about a plot twist straight out of a bad comedy! 👀🚀

FINTRAC, ever the stickler for rules, dished out a C$176.96M slap (about $126M) to Xeltox Enterprises Ltd., the folks behind Cryptomus. 🎩 It seems the platform was more “sloppy” than a diplomat’s handshake. 💸

Oh, how delightful! You’ve stumbled upon Crypto Long & Short, our weekly ode to digital finance for the “sophisticated” investor. Do join the circus-every Wednesday! 🎩🎪

According to a super serious X post, the Foundation is footing the bill for this little adventure. 💸 Because, you know, what’s a few million in crypto when you’re trying to look cool on the internet? 😎

Investment bank B. Riley upgraded Core Scientific (CORZ) to buy from neutral, and raised its price target on the shares to $30 from $17, citing strong standalone value and renewed momentum in high-performance computing (HPC). Because nothing says “investment” like a Bitcoin miner with a PhD in data centers. 💻

Now, let me tell ya, this partnership ‘twixt Curve and Yieldbasis is strutting out of the gate faster than a cat on a hot tin roof, with mutual incentive pedestrians hand-in-hand under a shared liquidity umbrella, as noted in Curve’s latest analysis; a raucous affair, truly.

HBAR’s 24-hour fall is but a chapter in this tragicomedy, its volatility a $0.0140 range as turbulent as a love triangle. One might say the token’s momentum is as relentless as a gossip mill at a country ball. 🎩

Lo! The majority of XRP’s excitement unfolded in November 2024, a spectacle akin to a debutante’s first dance. Early suitors, no doubt, were purchasing with the hope of ETFs-though since then, XRP hath lingered in the corner, twiddling its thumbs. Further gains, one suspects, depend on whether these ETFs shall prove as popular as a well-stocked punch bowl. Alas, government shutdowns delayed their arrival, but anticipation grows like a well-whipped cream.