According to Rasmussen, we’re “closer to the bottom than we’ve been for weeks.” Because nothing says “market stability” like a 50% drop. He’s calling the current sell-off a “maturing-market shakeout,” which sounds like a fancy way of saying “everyone’s panicking, but it’s totally normal.” 😂
With the crypto market behaving like a herd of stampeding space rhinos, DOGE holders are clutching their wallets and muttering, “So long, and thanks for all the fish.” Bitcoin’s dip below $90,000 didn’t help, either-it’s like the entire sector decided to take a vacation on Magrathea. 🏖️🚀
The Bitcoin for America Act, a curious proposal, aims to let citizens pay their taxes in Bitcoin, channeling the funds into a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. One can only imagine the chaos if the IRS were to accept such payments-though, given the current state of affairs, it might be less chaotic than the current system. 🧠💸
Behold, the insatiable hunger for privacy coins has ignited a fire within ZEC, propelling it to new heights while its sibling, Bitcoin, wavers like a weary traveler lost in a desert of doubt. 🌌
Traders and investors are closely monitoring Ethereum’s price action after the asset declined by approximately 1.4% over the past 24 hours, currently trading at around $3,024. The $3,000-$3,050 zone aligns with the Fibonacci Golden Pocket, a technical area that has previously coincided with both short-term corrections and subsequent bullish reversals. 🧮🌀
The government’s rusty gears finally creaked back into motion after a 43-day shutdown so long it felt like the Ice Age. Now here we are, sifting through economic data so stale it could crumble like Grandma’s cornbread. Thursday’s jobs report showed 119K new jobs-yippee!-but the unemployment rate inched up to 4.4%. Bitcoin, ever the nervous Nellie, promptly plunged to $86K, its lowest since April 2025. Real smooth, economy. Real smooth.
“Milestone day for the XRP community!”
This novel offering, I am informed, is available across most of the United States, with the notable exception of New York-a place, it seems, where such innovations are not quite à la mode. Variable rates and liquidation risks are, of course, tied to the whims of the market, a detail that should not escape the astute observer. And pray, what is the limit? A cool $1 million in USDC. Quite the sum, would you not agree? 💸
Bridgewater Associates founder Ray Dalio, who has in the past has said he owns some bitcoin , put a clearer figure on it, saying it’s been about 1% of his portfolio for some time. 🧠💸
This audacious plan follows President Trump’s March 2025 executive order, which summoned a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve like a crypto genie. Congress, ever the trend-followers, now seeks to etch Bitcoin into the federal ledger. If only they’d remembered to include a “do not overinflate” clause. 🎩
